


Hideaway

by RedJinx



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 07:15:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8092765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedJinx/pseuds/RedJinx
Summary: At the beginning of Season 3, Red and Liz found refuge at an old bar. In the TV series, they have to leave because of someone's betrayal but what if something happened and Red and Liz are destined to stay at that bar. What would happen if they have to rely on each other and what if someone would get sick. Would Liz learn more about Red's past and their shared history? Please read and find out for yourself.#Lizzington4-ever





	1. Hideaway chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Jon Bokenkamp & NBC; all rights reserved . This fanfic is a work of fiction. It details my own imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locations is entirely coincidental.

HIDEAWAY

Chapter 1

They rode the rest of the way in an uncomfortable silence. Red drove through town, continuing on the path of the main street but eventually leaving the city limits. A few miles out of downtown Washington, he slowed the car down and turned off onto a side road. Elizabeth did not recognize the narrow road. She’d definitely never been to this part of town, ‘Are we almost there?’  
‘Almost.’  
‘How much farther?’ She looked out the window but nothing looked familiar, ‘Where are we going, Red?’  
‘Just a few more minutes.’  
Before she had a chance to question him further, Red pulled the car off the road and parked beneath some trees. Shutting off the engine, he pocketed the keys. He turned to face her. She’d never seen that look on his face before. It was as though he was fighting everything within him to keep from regretting what he was about to say. Or do. Her heart hammered in her chest. Would leaving town with Tom have been a better idea?  
‘Do you trust me, Lizzie?’  
The question caught her by surprise. What could she say? She wasn’t even sure of the true answer. She wanted to trust Red. Desperately…But she just wasn’t sure yet.  
‘I…I think I do.’  
There, that was as honest as she was going to be for now. Red muttered something under his breath. He opened the car door and got out, slamming the door closed behind him. He came around to her side, opened her door and took her hand, staring hard at her, ‘It’s time to lay low for a while, Lizzie!’  
She nodded and followed Red. He strode to the back door of what looked like an old bar and rang the bell. Lizzie heard somebody moving inside and soon the door opened.  
Lizzie looked up at a friendly looking bearded man. He gave her and Red a quick nod. The scent of stale beer lingered in the air as Lizzie stepped inside, avoiding a row of liquor boxes. Red’s attention though was drawn to the first person he saw. He pulled his gun and raised it, pointing it to the woman in front of him, ‘Who’s this?’  
‘My sister Tiffany,’ the bearded man hurried to say.  
‘Tiffany lives in Denver!’  
‘I did until a month ago,’ the woman replied.  
‘Her husband died. She needed to get out. Red…you know me!’  
Red lowered his gun, took off his police hat and stepped forward, taking the woman’s hand into his own, ‘I am sorry for your loss, Tiffany!’ Lizzie could almost hear the sigh of relief the bartender took but Red was already walking to a small hallway. Beneath what looked like a sink, was a secretly hidden hatch. Red opened it and pushed the light switch before they descended down the stairs into the basement, ‘What is this place?’ Lizzie breathed.  
‘For the time being this is our hideaway!’ Red hurried to say.  
‘How long do we need to stay here?’ Lizzie nervously asked.  
‘As long as we need to,’ Red smiled. ‘Lighten up Lizzie. At least we have some time to think about our next step and I finally get some time to catch up on some back issues of Bass master!’  
Lizzie glanced around: it was a very small room with just one bed, a small table with two wooden chairs and some storage shelves packed with food and wine. Red grabbed a bottle of red wine and nodded approvingly.  
…  
Update now to our top story, even as authorities allege Agent Keen committed these acts of terror on behalf of Russia; various papers are reporting that Russia is not responsible. Now according to leaked documents, one of the alleged leaders of this organization is the CIA’s Director…

Lizzie averted her eyes from the small black and white screen and looked up at Reddington, ‘You released the contents of the Fulcrum to the press?’  
It was more a statement rather than a question and Red slowly nodded. 

…just moments ago came forward to address these reports. Good afternoon. My name is Peter Kotsiopoulous, and I am the CIA’s Director of National Clandestine Services. In the 65 years since this division has been created, the director’s identity has never been revealed during his tenure. But today, the president has agreed to let me speak openly to you so that I may address the irresponsible accusations that not only seek to defame me, but are harmful to our national security. 

Lizzie turned to Reddington, her eyes accusing, ‘Did you expect him to just come forward?’ 

…part of a conspiracy are preposterous. 

She walked past him and Red hunched his shoulders, ‘I wasn’t sure what to expect.’ 

They are based upon information provided by Raymond Reddington, a traitor to our country and a fugitive who is helping ex FBI Special Agent Elizabeth Keen avoid arrest. The daughter of a notorious KGB-spy, Keen is a wanted terrorist. My accusers are criminals, the subject of one of the largest manhunts ever conducted. Who are you going to believe, is telling the truth? 

Lizzie sighed and sat down on the bed, ‘If I didn’t know any better, I’d believe him.’  
‘But you do know better,’ Red said slowly.  
Lizzie shook her head, ’they’re gonna believe I am a Russian spy. My mother was a Russian spy. It doesn’t matter that I never knew her. It’s the perfect story. I am the perfect patsy.’  
‘We have to be patient,’ Red tried to soothe her.  
‘Patient?’ Liz huffed. Do you have any idea the kind of resources they’re throwing at us now; the manpower? This city…’  
This city is impossible to get out of now,’ Red interrupted her calmly. We have no chance of crossing the perimeter they’ve established. But Washington DC cannot sustain a siege. The economy, the government, one week, two at the most, and the city will be back to normal. That’s when we travel. ‘Red nodded very confident with himself.  
‘People will go on believing I’m a terrorist,’ Lizzie said sadly. Red unnoticeably sighed; Lizzie was so stricken with guilt and she looked at him with such concern in her eyes. All he wanted to do was comfort her but how could she let him? And yet, how could she not? These past few hours, when she’d looked at him with such sadness in her eyes had almost been unbearable. It was in these moments, Red had promised himself, he would keep her safe and unharmed…always!  
* * *  
Liz was sitting at the table, eyeing her glass of wine while Red was lying on the bed, looking comfortable and relaxed. Lizzie took a breath but the air hitched in her throat, than she heard Red’s calm voice…  
‘This reminds me of Sok Pich. We were navigating the backwaters in western Cambodia hoping to steal some sapphires from a mine foreman. Got as far as Pailin when the Monsoon struck; Took shelter in a root cellar of all places. Lizzie glanced at Red, slightly annoyed he was telling one of his stories as if nothing had happened. As if she hadn’t shot Tom Connolly and they were on the run for maybe the rest of their lives.  
‘I have never seen so much rain’, Red breathed and he looked as if he could picture the scene in his head.  
‘Wind like a monarch gone mad. All we could do was bunker down and wait it out. But Sok…he just made a run for the village so there I was…soaking wet…alone. Three days of absolute misery. And then on the fourth day, I was overcome by this incredible feeling of…peace! Something about being hidden there underground while the rest of the world was being torn apart outside’.  
Lizzie turned around in her chair, ‘This doesn’t making me feel any better.’  
‘You have every right to be afraid, ‘Red said soothingly. ‘…Just don’t let it control you! Poor Sok learned that the hard way.’  
‘What happened to him?’ Lizzie asked, almost immediately angered with herself for even asking.  
‘He died,’ Red said wryly while sitting upright, ‘Didn’t get six steps before the wind blew a blade of lemongrass into his skull. You’re in a storm Lizzy! You need to find peace beneath the winds.’  
* * *  
Above their heads, a door was smashed shut and Lizzie jumped slightly, startled by the sudden noise. Red pulled his gun from his holster and pointed it at the hatch. He climbed upstairs and found Kyle and Tiffany arguing fiercely.  
‘Do you know who that woman is? She’s a terrorist!’  
‘…Tiff, listen! If you say a word…if you so much as whisper this to hi–‘  
‘What have you done?’ Red walked into the bar glaring at Tiffany. He cocked his gun, aiming it at her, while he grabbed Kyle’s gun.  
‘Red, I…I can control this,’ Kyle tried soothingly.  
Red ignored him and gestured at Tiffany, ‘Your phone!’  
She threw the phone on a table and Red immediately pushed the digit for the last chosen phone number…  
You’ve reached the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s Major Case Contact Center.  
Red broke the connection, ‘What did you tell them?’  
Fury reddened Tiffany’s cheeks and her eyes spat fire. She stared at Red with tightly compressed lips before she burst out, ‘You can go screw yourself, pal, okay? My husband was a soldier. He died fighting for his country, trying to protect us from people like her!’ She pointed at Lizzie who had just entered the bar.  
Kyle clenched his jaw, ’Tiff shut the hell up!’  
Red turned to Lizzie and saw how she stiffened at the harsh words coming from Tiffany. Red looked at Kyle, before quickly shifting his gaze back to Tiffany, his eyes burning with a fierce determination. ‘Within seconds, agents are gonna breach this building. They’re gonna want to speak to you because you called in the tip. Get rid of them, or your brother dies!’  
Red pointed the gun at Kyle and nodded at Lizzie. ‘Downstairs’  
Tiffany swallowed hard but looking out of the window, she saw police cars and black vehicles pull up. Within seconds the front door to the bar opened and several men stormed inside.  
‘FBI! FBI! Hands! Hands! Show me your hands!’  
Tiffany swallowed hard and looked into the cold eyes of a red-haired FBI agent.  
‘Raymond Reddington and Elisabeth Keen. You need to tell me where they are right now!’  
Kyle, Red and Lizzie descended down into the basement but Lizzie could hear the fear in Tiffany’s voice when she blurted out, ‘Fugitives? The one…the one’s on TV?’  
Ressler confronted the woman, ‘Tiffany Lepman…right?’  
‘Yeah. You think they’re here?’  
‘We got an anonymous tip from your phone saying they were here!’  
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t called anyone,’ Tiffany hurried to say.  
‘Harboring a fugitive is a felony. You lie to me again, you’re going to jail. Where are they?’  
‘I don’t know,’ Tiffany slowly said.  
Second floor clear…One of the FBI men yelled.  
‘Look, if I know something, I’d say,’ Tiffany tried, ‘…I’m not gonna lie to the FBI!’  
Sire, we’re all clear.’ An agent reported to Ressler.  
Ressler walked to the back of the bar into the small hallway, the wooden floorboards creaking under his weight. He pulled the light switch and glanced at the sink. Pushing the wooden walls, he heard loud creaking but there was no door or exit out of the hallway.  
Down in the basement Lizzie held her breath while Red anxiously stared at the hatch. Ressler walked back into the bar, grabbing his cell phone, ‘Aram! Tip call that came in, call her back. Double check the information!’  
Ressler turned to Tiffany, ‘Thank you for your time.’ He was about to leave, when he heard the muffled sound of a cell phone.  
Tiffany nervously started mumbling, ‘Look, I told you, if I knew anything, I–…’ Ressler loudly yelled, pointing at the woman, ‘CUFF HER!’  
Ressler hurried back into the small hallway. He turned on the faucet but no water started running. He aimed his flashlight down and gestured to an FBI agent, ‘Look at the floor!’ The agent grabbed the sink and shoved it out of the way, revealing the secretly hidden hatch.  
‘Keen, I know you’re down there. Look there’s two ways this ends. You come up hands raised or we come down guns raised. Your call…’  
…  
Ressler gave a quick nod to the nearby standing agent. The man nodded back and opened the hatch, dropping a grenade. There was a loud bang, a flash of light and Ressler and his squad quickly descended into the basement.  
‘Hands…hands…show me your hands…down on the floor!’  
Kyle was lying dazed on the floor. Ressler stepped forward and looked down, ‘Where are they?’ Aiming his flashlight around, he could see a ventilation shaft and almost immediately he realized Keen and Redding had fled.  
* * *  
Red crawled inside the ventilation shaft with Lizzie following close behind him. It was full of dust and cobwebs and Lizzie had to pinch her nose more than once so she would not sneeze. While moving through the ventilation system, Red intently listened; Ressler and his men hadn’t left the bar yet. He knew they would check the premises and its surroundings. When they were outside, Lizzie wanted to run but Red grabbed her arm, ‘NO’. He pointed at the fire escape and she nodded. Without making a sound, they quickly climbed up the stairs until they had reached the bar’s rooftop. Standing on the ledge, Red quickly scanned the area. He could see two identical side by side rectangular chimneys reaching up about eight feet into the sky. From where he was standing, the space between the two chimneys was not visible and it occurred to him that the unseen space between the two chimneys would be an excellent hiding place. No one would find them there….


	2. Staying or leaving?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red and Liz have been betrayed. Lizzie wants to run but Red thinks it's a better idea to stay at the bar. Is he right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Jon Bokenkamp & NBC; all rights reserved . This fanfic is a work of fiction. It details my own imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locations is entirely coincidental.

Red and Lizzie were still standing in the hidden space between the two chimneys when they heard footsteps, hard on concrete, but it sounded like just one man…or maybe two. Behind her, Lizzie heard Red’s sharp intake of breath, when he quietly cocked his gun but to their surprise, they heard nothing but a familiar gushing sound and then a long relieved sigh. There was a brief rustling of clothes and the footsteps walked away from them. An agent yelled, ‘All clear; the roof is clear!’  
The rooftop door shut with a loud bang and the roof was empty again but the panic didn’t leave Lizzie. She was afraid that the door might open again at any moment; a load of FBI agents streaming out and leaving them nowhere to run. The only thing that gave her comfort, the only thing that kept her fear at bay, was Reddington, his body shielding her from the threat. As Lizzie pondered her choices, she felt a big drop of rain fall from the sky. A stiff wind blew up causing dust and other junk to cascade crazily over the rooftop. Rain followed quickly in slashing, blinding torrents. Within seconds they were soaked to the skin, and this rain was cold, icy but still Red refused to budge. After what seemed an eternity, they finally heard screeching tires from pulling away cars and Red finally backed away, pulling Lizzie alongside with him. They quickly rushed to the rooftop door but its metal shutter was pulled down and locked. Red aimed his gun and needed two bullets to shoot the lock off, hurling the shutter up and out of the way. Inside a small hallway they could see boxes of cigarettes, all Marlboro, and crates of liquor.  
‘Where are we going now that this place is compromised? Lizzie asked nervously. Red looked up at Lizzie and could see she was exhausted. Despite her brave front, she had to be reeling from the nonstop action of the last couple of hours. Having to run from your own FBI colleagues would have been trying for most people but Lizzie had managed it seemingly unfazed. Her poise and determination amazed him, but they were clearly taking a toll. Red’s instinct told him to push on, get as far away from the city as possible, but maybe it made more sense to stay put. Lizzie wasn’t the only exhausted one. He was tired too, and although he was trained to do without sleep, there was no sense in taking unnecessary risks.  
‘We’re staying!’ Red decided, sitting down on the bottom stairwell, pulling off his soaked shoes. ‘The FBI won’t be back and Kyle and his stupid sister will be held accountable for aiding and abetting two criminals. So they won’t be back for a long time either.’  
Lizzie nodded, staring at the floor, at nothing in particular.  
‘Listen…,’ Red said. ‘I know you’re afraid, but we can’t give up. They’ll get us if we give up. This is a good hideaway for the time being. Lizzie nodded but Red sensed, she was still a little reluctant, ‘I will make sure the FBI won’t return. I am contacting the Troll Farmer.’  
‘I don’t know who that is,’ Lizzie huffed.  
‘The Troll Framer uses social media to conduct highly coordinated disinformation campaigns on behalf of governments, lobbyists, corporations, crime syndicates, and on occasion…a humble fugitive, Red smiled. ‘He’s mastered the art of information warfare by creating events, virtual hoaxes designed to piggyback on real public anxiety. He activates hundreds of fake accounts to post thousands of tweets, creating the appearance of say, a terrorist attack in Paris that served as cover for an art heist. He doctors screenshots from news outlets to report an Ebola outbreak in Atlanta in order to drive up the stock of a drug company developing a cure. The Troll Farmer is much more than a rumour monger. The events he creates appear to be real and provoke a very real response. Smoke manufactured to draw the cameras away from the real fire…from us,’ Red added with a confident smile.  
Lizzie nodded and a small smile graced her lips, a bit more at ease now with Red’s efforts to keep them safe. He took her by the arm and guided her down the stairs, ‘Let’s take a look around at our new hideaway!’  
They walked along the premises and it was all right to live in. Above the bar was a small living room, fully furnished, not overly but with everything they needed. There was one bedroom with a large bed, a dresser and a nightstand, a small kitchen with a two burner gas stove and in the cupboard were dishes and cook wear. Although there was no dining room, the kitchen was big enough to have a table and two chairs. There was also a small bathroom, no tub, just a shower and a toilet with a sink.  
Red nodded approvingly, ‘Looks like we have everything we need but first, you need to change out of these wet clothes. I don’t want you to get sick!’ Lizzie nodded but then turned around, ‘You need to change too!’ Red nodded, ‘I will but first I will give the Troll Farmer a call and set things in motion!’  
Lizzie took a slow breath and nodded, ‘I’ll be right back.’ She quickly went across the room. After opening the door, she walked into the bedroom. She glanced around as she headed to the open bathroom door. Glancing at the navy bedding hanging from the canopy bedposts to the large billowing black curtains from the window, she wondered if this was Kyle’s bedroom. It definitely had a male aura to it. Closing herself in the small bathroom, she let out a quick breath and leaned against the door. Shivering, she quickly stripped off her wet clothes and decided to grab a quick shower to get warm again. When Lizzie turned off the faucet, she realized she had no clean clothes in which to change. She opened the door a crack. ‘Red?’ No answer. A little louder. ‘REDDINGTON?’ Still no answer. She’d have to go out and get her bag from the basement rather than Red handing it through the doorway. She tiptoed out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped firmly around her body.  
The reason for Red’s silence was clear when Lizzie descended down into the basement. He was lying on the small bed, snoozing. She quickly hurried to her bag and bent to grab it.  
‘Find everything you need?’  
Red’s sleepy voice caught her rising from her crouch. She whirled to see him watching her, ‘Yeah. I…I just need to grab a clean set of clothes.’ She then realized Red was still wearing his wet police uniform, ‘You should take those wet clothes off too before you catch pneumonia?’  
Red nodded while he got up from the bed, ‘Did you leave me some warm water?’ Lizzie nodded but blushed when Red mumbled, ‘Maybe we should have shared one.’ That remark caused him an angry look from Lizzie which in turn made him laugh.  
‘Enjoy your shower,’ Lizzie called out to Red as he left the basement. ‘I’m going to fix us something to eat.’ As if to emphasize her point, her stomach growled its agreement with the decision to eat. Red showered, dried and dressed himself quickly so he could help Lizzie.  
When he walked down the hallway to the kitchen, he picked up a pleasant smell. In the kitchen, he found something which looked like lasagne, yet with larger noodles rather than the flat pasta sheets used in an authentic lasagne. Looking around the kitchen he also found a large mixed salad with a dressing of garlic, olive oil and various herbs waiting to be added. A bottle of red wine stood on the worktop as well as two glasses. The kitchen was empty though so he walked into the living room. As he entered, Lizzie was standing near the window gazing outside.  
‘I don’t know what you’ve cooked up but it sure smells delicious,’ Red announced lightly. Lizzie did not react. She just kept staring blankly out the window on the third floor building without moving a muscle.  
‘Lizzie, are you okay?’ Red asked.  
‘I am fine,’ she replied miserably, turning around to face him. She immediately wished she hadn’t as she saw the concern in his eyes.  
‘No you’re not. You’re staring out of a window Lizzie. You have just killed a man and you’re on the run with one of the largest criminals in the world. Me,’ he added. ‘You’re definitely not fine,’ he told her with somewhat cold eyes, making sure she knew he was not kidding around this time.  
In a way, Lizzie was saying she was fine, not because she wanted Red to think that everything was all dandy, but because she wanted to appear tough and strong. And at this very moment, she realized that she wasn’t doing herself any justice by keeping up the charade. She realized that she had to let Red in, giving him a chance to help her.  
‘I have killed him, Connolly…in cold blood,’ she finally whispered, ‘…and I’ve killed my father. I am a murderer!’  
‘Connolly deserved it,’ Red almost yelled as he pulled her away from the window, looking at her meaningfully.  
‘The truth about Connolly and the Cabal will out, Lizzie,’ he said as he covered her hand with his. She shook her head so Red put his hand on her shoulder, hoping that his touch would somehow ease her pain. But that wasn’t enough. He realized that there was no way he could ease Lizzie’s pain without him taking her in his arms. He extended his hands and pulled Lizzie into a hug, wrapping his arms around her.  
‘Everything is going to be alright. I will make sure,’ he whispered into her ear running his hand through her hair in a comforting gesture. And then she broke.  
‘How can I live with myself?’ She asked through her tears as she pulled away a little bit to face Red. ‘The pain? The guilt? Every time I close my eyes, I see his face before me.’ She started sobbing again, putting her head on Red’s shoulder. He pulled her even closer and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She let out the breath that she’d been suppressing all day and furiously wrapped her arms around him.  
* * *

 

The next morning, Lizzie woke with a headache. She had been dreaming about chasing FBI agents without faces. Pondering her thoughts, she was convinced her headache could be either a result of her crying and drinking too much wine last night or her restless night of haunting dreams. Whichever, she concluded she deserved it and would just have to suffer, instead of lying in bed and feeling sorry for herself. By the time, she rose, washed and dressed, her headache had disappeared. As she descended the stairs, she smelled breakfast cooking. She took a slight sniff at first, wondering if her stomach would object but the odours wafted through her senses deliciously and her mouth watered. When she went into the kitchen she found Reddington pouring banana waffle batter onto a waffle iron. He’d peeled and cut fresh fruit and a fresh pot of coffee was on the stove.  
‘I hope you like waffles. There was a load of waffle mix in the basement, and fortunately, I also found a waffle iron to go with the mix…And of course maple syrup.’ Red turned around and liked the way, Lizzie’s eyes lit up in response.  
‘I love waffles,’ she smiled. She walked to the cupboard and grabbed two plates. When she handed one to Red, she noticed he wasn’t putting anything on it, ‘Aren’t you hungry?’ she asked.  
‘No. My throat is a bit sore and I have a headache,’ he softly said while he watched Lizzie fill her plate with waffles. She set the plate down on the table and reached out a palm to touch his forehead, ‘For Godsake Red,’ she said with sudden worry in her voice. ‘You’re burning up. I can’t believe you’re walking around and fixing me breakfast.’ She stepped away from Red and ran upstairs. Swallowing hard, Red suddenly felt cold and grabbed hold of the kitchen sink. He heard Lizzie rummaging through the bathroom. Within seconds, she was back. ‘Sit down,’ she said. ‘Sit…before you fall down.’ She handed him two Tylenol and filled a glass with water. Red quickly slipped both pills into his mouth and emptied the glass with a couple of gulps.  
‘There. Better already,’ he said, although it hurt like hell when he tilted his head back to swallow. ‘I better go lie down for a while,’ he softly added when the kitchen started spinning. He headed for the basement but Lizzie was adamant, ‘No. I want you to lie in a decent bed! You’re sleeping in my room.’  
When Red was finally in bed, Lizzie looked down on him. She was slightly shocked at Red’s appearance; dark circles under his eyes made his pale face even whiter while his cheeks were burning with fever. Sometimes, he hugged his arms to his chest and coughed deep and long. Lizzie sat down next to him and dabbed his forehead with a cool cloth, rubbing ointment on his dry lips and feeding him spoons with water. When he finally pushed her hand away, she put the glass down and sat back. For days, she sat by Red’s side, nodding off when exhaustion claimed her, but jerking awake when he moaned or coughed.  
Finally on the fifth day, while Red slept, Lizzie fell into a deep sleep with her hand on Red’s chest but she was rudely awakened by a troublesome sound. Pushing herself up she noticed Red was struggling for breath. Leaning over him, she could hear him wheezing. His eyes were closed, his face grey and his lips slightly blue.  
‘Red? R…Raymond?’ she called, an icy fear snaking through her body. She shook him but when Red did not respond, she pulled him up in her arms to sit him up as best as she could. Anguish surged through her chest. It was a feeling she was familiar with, but she had hoped never to experience again. She clenched her jaw and although she wanted to wail, to vent her despair, she’d made up her mind. Red needed antibiotics and she was the only one who could get them.


	3. Hold on Tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Liz feel safe to go outside? And does she even have a choice?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Jon Bokenkamp & NBC; all rights reserved . This fanfic is a work of fiction. It details my own imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locations is entirely coincidental.

Lizzie was rummaging through drawers, under the bed, in closets, trying to find something she could wear in disguise. After half an hour of searching, she stood in the middle of the living room, frustrated and weary. Then she remembered something she’d seen in the one place she hadn’t looked yet. She hurried to the bathroom and yanked open the cabinet above the sink. It was full with male stuff; deodorant, after shave, a shaving kit…and a package of blonde hair dye which had probably belonged to Kyle’s sister; Tiffany. Lizzie grabbed the box, opened it and quickly read the instructions. Letting out a nervous breath, she put on the plastic gloves and poured some of the liquid onto one glove, proceeding to dab it onto her hair. When she had covered all of it, she put the empty bottle back in the box and threw it into the waste basket. With trepidation, she approached the mirror half an hour later. Her dark brown hair was now blonde and to her satisfaction, it made her almost unrecognizable. Not reminiscing about by how much she had changed, her attention went straight back to Reddington. Stepping into the bedroom, she immediately noticed, how very still he was. Her belly churned; but looking at his chest she thankfully detected just the slightest movement. She carefully put her hand on him. He was a bit cooler, no longer burning up. Shaking him gently, she said his name, hoping the small communication would wake him but there was no response.   
* * *  
Lizzie left the old bar when it was dark outside. Her insides were one twisted knot but no one seemed to pay much attention to her. Finding a pharmacy though or a physician appeared to be harder than she had expected it to be and it was soon that she realized that she had to get closer to the city. After half an hour, she stopped her trek into the city and leaned on a street light. She lowered her head and took a deep breath. What if Reddington died? The thought stirred an ache in her stomach…painful and unthinkable at once. She blinked a few times as if there were tears in her eyes she wanted to keep inside but then she adamantly shoved off the pole and stepped off the curb. A few yards further her attention was drawn to a sign that read: Daniel H. Williams, Physician. Lizzie swallowed hard as she carefully roamed towards the house. She picked the lock of the back door and listened intently but everything inside was quiet. Looking around, she entered through French doors that led into a study. She opened drawers but found nothing. Cursing softly, she looked around. On the far end of the left wall was a door. To her surprise it led to into a storage room. Several racks stretched along both walls, stacked with a variety of bottles, boxes and tubes. She rifled through the shelves, opening boxes and pushing things aside. She took a deep breath to squelch the tension building inside her. Where were those damn antibiotics? She shoved a few more boxes aside, heart racing. When she was about to give up, her eyes finally skimmed over the word she was looking for; Amoxicilline. She yanked several boxes and bottles from the shelf and stuffed them in her backpack.   
* * *  
Lizzie sat beside him. ‘Red?’ She said gently. He stirred and his eyes slowly flickered open.   
‘You need to take these pills!’  
Instead of answering her, Red smiled, looking happy to see her. He tried closing his eyes again.   
‘No Red, you have to wake up. I need you to take these pills!’ Lizzie gently shook his shoulder. Red’s eyes flickered open again and he frowned when his gaze landed on the pills she held.   
‘Open your mouth,’ Lizzie ordered. Obediently, Red did. Lizzie leaned over and placed two pills inside his mouth then she tipped the water glass to his mouth. Red swallowed but a small trail of water spilled down his chin.   
‘Sorry,’ Lizzie whispered when she gently wiped his chin with her hand. ‘Sleep now!’ And Red did. He was out for hours. When Lizzie went back to check on him again, he was awake though. He slumped back tiredly, but his now-open eyes never left Lizzie’s face. She could see with a surge of relief that he had slightly improved, though his eyes were still dull and unfocussed. She reached out and touched his brow, checking for signs of fever but to her relief Red felt much cooler. She was startled when he abruptly grabbed her hand.   
‘I…I’m sorry. I wanted to check–’  
Lizzie tried to let go but Red dragged her hand against his chest, holding it there tightly as if for comfort.   
‘Thank…you,’ Red whispered the effort almost too much, closing his eyes. Lizzie, happy that Red had finally said something intelligible, relaxed and lay down beside him, content in the knowledge that he was still alive, and with her. Several days passed, Red mostly sleeping peacefully, with Lizzie catching up on her sleep intermittently between checking on him and reflecting on the strange new feelings she now felt for him. During one of her observations, she was studying Red’s face. His features seemed more angular and drawn from his illness, the dark shadows under his closed eyes a contrast to the blonde lashes resting there when he suddenly opened his eyes, gifting her with a small smile. He reached out to touch her blonde locks. ‘Glorious,’ he whispered. Lizzie parted her lips at Red’s touch, unable to believe how intimate it was to feel his fingers in her hair.   
‘Red?’ His name was almost a breathless whisper.   
‘Hmm?’ He swallowed, and then, as though realizing what he was doing, he instantly dropped his hand and moved back. ‘Oh, Lizzy…I’m sorry!’ He closed his eyes for a second before looking at her once more.   
‘She was blonde…my mother? That picture in your apartment…she was blonde. I look like her, don’t I? Lizzie dragged in a breath and slowly let it out, desperately to control her mounting heart-rate. A muscle ticked in Red’s jaw. He blinked. Lizzie hoped. Red’s eyes narrowed and Lizzie’s hopes crashed and burned. She knew he’d say nothing before he even shook his head.   
Lizzie swallowed and hopped off the bed, ‘Do you think you’ll be alright if I leave you alone for a while? I need to check the kitchen to see how we’re fixed for food. I may have to go to the grocery store.’ Red clenched his jaw. He didn’t want her to go. It was worth having pneumonia to have her fuss over him. No one had ever taken care of him like that before.   
‘I’m not hungry,’ he said mournfully and I don’t feel comfortable with you going outside.’  
‘Then I won’t go. I’ll just change. I’ll be back in a flash and I’ll read to you.’ Red yawned, ‘That would be nice. And I think I would like some orange juice too!’ Red settled back against the pillows and let his eyes drift shut.   
Later that night, when he had to throw up, he reconsidered. He hated being sick. And he didn’t like Lizzie seeing him clutching the toilet bowl, helpless and disgusting. When he was done, she helped him get up, handing him a glass of water. ‘Rinse out your mouth and brush your teeth!’  
‘I will but can you leave me alone for a few minutes?’ Red swayed against the sink. ‘I really need a shower.’  
‘You can’t shower. You can’t even stand up.’ Lizzie tugged on his t-shirt. ‘You need to get back into bed. I’ll make sure you’re clean!’ Lizzie put her arm around Red’s waist and urged him out of the bathroom, ‘I know how to do it. When Tom was stabbed, I–,’ Lizzie held her breath, realizing Red would not like to hear about her taking care of Tom.   
‘I can change the sheets too. Even with you in bed, and get you a fresh pair of pyjamas.’  
‘I haven’t packed pyjamas,’ Red huffed. Even though his stomach had settled, his head was swimming and he ached all over. He flung one arm over his eyes and groaned. Lizzie was by his side in an instant, feeling Red’s forehead. ‘What’s wrong? Is your stomach upset again? Should I get you a bowl?’   
‘No, I’ll be alright,’ Red said, trying to convince himself he felt better. Keeping his arm over his eyes, he groped for Lizzie’s hand with his other hand. Once he felt her fingers close around his, he allowed himself to relax.   
* * *  
Lizzie gently soaped Red’s chest, trying not to linger over hard muscles and a hair-roughed chest. ‘Turn over and I’ll wash your back.’   
Red obeyed, but twisted his head around to look at Lizzie. She moved closer, intending to wash his back, but stopped short when she noticed the burn scars all over his back. She gasped, trying to breathe but couldn’t pull air into her lungs. Her face turned a ghastly shade of grey. She reached out a hand to touch Red’s back but the moment the tops of her fingers grazed one of his scars, he spun around and locked her wrist in his hand. His expression was dark, his gaze glittering with intensity. Lizzie swallowed hard. This normally undaunted man who was so strong and never showed any weakness, now looked stripped bare.   
‘Red?’   
‘Not now Lizzie,’ he said gruffly. She eyed his over-the-shoulder gaze. Was he angry or hurt?   
‘Okay!’ Nodding, she carefully slid the washcloth across his shoulders and down his spine. Red shivered.   
‘You need to get warm and dry.’ Lizzie grabbed a towel and gently rubbed Red’s back. ‘I’ll change the sheets now and then I’ll get you a pair of clean pyjamas.   
‘Thanks,’ Red mumbled.   
After Lizzie had changed the bedding and got Red into a pair of fresh pyjamas, she’d taken from Kyle’s closet, she took Red’s temperature. ‘102.1. Not normal but not too bad,’ she nodded. ‘How do you feel?’  
Red did not respond. His eyes were closed and his skin had an unnatural pallor, but his breathing appeared regular. Lizzie watched as his now decently covered chest rose and fell but she couldn’t not ignore that she remembered how his chest had looked naked and wet.   
That night, Lizzie did not get much sleep. Red spent a restless night, alternating between delirium and a frightening stillness that she hoped was only a deep sleep. She managed to get more Tylenol down him every few hours, making him drink as much water as he’d swallow. Near dawn, just as she was about to drift off, Red began thrashing on the bed. He was talking too, but the words were slurred and unintelligible. Lizzie looked at the clock. It was too soon for another dose of Tylenol and antibiotics. Sitting next to Red on the bed, she began stroking his forehead. ‘Shh. Red, try to get some sleep. You need to rest. You’ll feel much better tomorrow! And so will I,’ Lizzie murmured before continuing to soothe Red with her words and hands.   
Red finally stilled. Lizzie started to get up but the minute she took her hand from Red’s forehead, his eyes opened. The dawning day, lightened the bedroom enough that she could see his eyes were bright.   
‘Your mom was a blonde,’ Red said distinctly. ‘I will tell you more about her but you have to give me more time!’   
Lizzie tried to look into Red’s eyes, to see if fever was shining there, but her own vision was blurred by tears. She would finally learn more about her mother.


	4. More than a feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Jon Bokenkamp & NBC; all rights reserved . This fanfic is a work of fiction. It details my own imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locations is entirely coincidental.

Lizzie stood in the kitchen, preparing a strong cup of tea, laced with honey, lemon and a touch of cayenne pepper. She let it steep a bit while she prepared a poultice for Red’s chest; an old trick she had learned from Sam. When everything was ready, she went into the living room to find Red asleep in a comfortable chair with an open book on his lap. He shifted a bit as Lizzie called his name and almost immediately, his head shot up.   
‘I want you to drink this. It’s full with things that will make you better.’ She lifted the cup to Red’s lips. He roused enough that he took the cup and sipped it, then shuddered. ‘What’s in this?’ Red’s brow furrowed as he stared at the cup. Lizzie ignored his muttering, ‘Just drink it. I’ve also got a poultice for your chest.’ Red downed the tea on a few swallows, grimacing. He set the cup aside and started freeing his chest. Lizzie shook her head.   
‘Let’s go upstairs. I want you lying down when I put it on. It’s bedtime anyway. Do you still want me to stay with you during the night?’ Red nodded and they both left the living room. In the hallway outside the bedroom door, Lizzie turned to Red, ‘You are feeling much better, aren’t you?’   
Red rubbed one open hand on his bare chest and nodded, ‘I am feeling a lot better. I think I’ve beaten this thing, thanks to you sweetheart!’   
* * *  
It was well into the night when Lizzie was still lying awake in the dark; although she was tired and wanted to sleep. Somehow her mind wouldn’t switch off, no matter how hard she tried. She just lay there mulling over conflicting thoughts. Persistently, Red kept creeping into her mind; she was very conflicted in her feelings about him. In the past Red had often made her feel frustrated and angry, but since a few days she had the feeling, she needed him like she needed air to breathe. If these were romantic feelings they sure made her feel miserable. She couldn’t be. She just couldn’t be in love with him. Eventually Lizzie drifted off into something between sleep and consciousness.   
Early the next morning she was the first to awake. To her surprise Red’s arm was snaked around her waist. She seemed to fit perfectly in the space between his arms and his chest, the feel of his slow, steady breathing naturally matching with her own. Complete was the word that kept popping into her mind as she drifted through the various levels of slumbering and awakening, always aware of Red’s presence, always comforted by the weight of his body against hers. Lizzie hadn’t been awake long when she sensed him stirring. She breathed in and waited for him to wake up but he seemed to be fully alert and completely aware of his surroundings when he opened his eyes. His militairy training, Lizzie guessed.   
‘Oh, I’m sorry about that,’ Red apologized when he quickly pulled back his arm, leaving Lizzy cold and a bit frustrated. She turned her head to glance at him, ‘Have you ever done that before?’   
‘Done what?’   
‘Sleep with a woman you’re on the run with?’   
Red’s mouth curved into an amusing smile. ‘No…I can’t say that I have but then again when I’m in bed with a woman, we both wouldn’t get a whole lot of sleep.   
Lizzie’s cheeks heated and she snapped. ‘Maybe it’s time you move back to the basement!’  
Red arched a brow at Lizzie’s strong reaction, ‘Are you afraid, I’ll make a move on you?’   
‘I’m not afraid of anything and I’m sure as hell not afraid of you.’ A flat out lie. She was terrified of getting her heart broken now her feelings for Red had changed so much. She watched a play of shadows across his face cast by the dawning light; his short haircut, his jaw and his beautifully shaped mouth. She thought it was a hard mouth, yet she wanted to know what if would feel like if he kissed her. A longing swept over Lizzie but she felt betrayed by her own feelings. Without saying another word, she slipped out of bed and into the bathroom, leaving Red wondering what he’d done wrong.   
* * *  
Red had watched Lizzie closely over the past couple of days, judging that the time for him to act on her moodiness was coming sooner rather than later. He almost chuckled as he watched anger fall over her face like a shadow once again that day.   
‘Lizzie…sweetheart,’ he pleaded softly. ‘What’s bothering you?’   
‘Nothing,’ she replied stiffly.   
‘Then why the mood swings?’   
‘I don’t have mood swings,’ Lizzie answered Red fiercely. She bit her lip and looked away, cursing herself. She’d let her temper get the better of her when she really needed to stay in control around him. Taking a deep breath, she turned to him, ‘Red, I’m sorry. I haven’t been myself the last couple of days. I guess I’m just tired.’ Again…a flat out lie. Red nodded in confirmation and slowly, he turned and walked away, ‘Maybe you should take a nap. It’ll do wonders for your mood…I hope,’ he added softly. That remark snapped something in Lizzie. Without thinking, she caught up with him, dropping a hand on his shoulder.   
‘For someone who’s so damn clever,’ she said in a shaking voice, ‘you’re awfully dumb, where women are concerned!’ Red looked back, his eyes suddenly alert.   
‘For reasons I don’t understand, I seem to have fallen in love with you,’ Lizzie blurted out.   
Red frowned and looked at Lizzie incredulously then he shook his head, ‘Lizzie sweetheart. You’re smarter than any woman I’ve ever known. You’re interesting. We have a lot in common…and you’re beautiful but I’m too old for you,’ Red said, staring down at Lizzie’s parted lips, her burning eyes and flushed cheeks.   
‘No, you’re not, ‘Lizzie whispered, looking at Red, absolutely stunned, her eyes wide with shock. Would he reject her?   
Before she could process what Red was thinking, he pulled her closer to him so she landed with a soft thud against his chest. He tilted her chin, and then he crushed his mouth to hers, devouring her lips as though he was starving. It was the equivalent of being struck by lightning. Every nerve ending in Lizzie’s body jolted, and she gasped, opening her mouth to Red’s advancing tongue. She let out a delicious sigh because that mouth. Oh God, she’d been so right about his mouth and lips but now that she experienced his tongue, suddenly her attention wasn’t quite as focused on his lips anymore. Red tasted divine. Hot. Arrogant. Confident. Then, he went completely still. His arms briefly tightened around her, nearly crushing her to him but she felt regret. Every muscle in Lizzie’s body tensed. She felt anger and frustration. But they weren’t her emotions. Somehow she realized these emotions belonged to him. She felt them only a few seconds before he released her and took a step back.   
‘Lizzie, I’m sorry.’ She saw a mixture of pain and confusion in his eyes when he reached out for her as to take her in his arms again, but then he stopped. ‘I shouldn’t have kissed you.’ Red’s arms folded behind his back and he looked down. And then, his expression, void of any emotion, met her stare.   
Lizzie could feel her heart racing. A kiss? It had only been a kiss to him? In a state of shock, she shook her head. To her it had been so much more than just a kiss. If they would have continued, they would have made…Oh God. Lizzie averted her eyes but then she felt Red’s gentle kiss on the top of her head. She lifted her head and stared into his eyes for several seconds.   
‘Lizzie.’   
Even he heard the painful longing in his voice. He knew Lizzie had heard it too and was confused by it. But then she yanked her arm away from him. To resist the urge to take her into his arms again, Red sat down. They could never be together. He was too old for her…not to mention their history.   
‘I know I owe you. You saved my life. If it hadn’t been for you–…Red, I’m sorry. I won’t bother you anymore,’ Lizzie whispered through clenched teeth.   
Red shook his head. ‘You don’t owe me anything…it’s just–…’  
‘What?’ Lizzie whispered, stepping closer to him. ‘How difficult can it be? I don’t care about age. I’ve been in love with Tom. He was my age but he was abusive…not to mention, the lies he told me. You…you never lied to me, Red!’   
Red sighed and patted the spot next to him, ‘Please sit down with me. I have to tell you something!’   
Lizzie sat down and turned towards Red, feeling a bit nervous. He looked straight ahead, his jaw clenched.  
‘Many years ago when I was in the Naval Academy, I was introduced to a young woman on one of our stops. My commanding officer took me aside and demanded that I speak to her. He said that she and her husband wanted to defect to the USA. I had to find out what their intentions were! That evening I sat down with the woman and her husband and we had some drinks before dinner. I knew I had to broach the subject with great care so I began by telling them that I was a new recruit in the Navy and was dying to learn more about the country they came from; Russia!’  
Lizzie swallowed nervously, her throat as dry as the desert. Was he talking about her parents?  
Red cast her sidelong glance, as if wondering how Lizzie was taking the story but when she did not look up, he continued. ‘The woman and I often had some wonderful talks and we became close friends, but I also wasn’t blind. The husband liked to make people do what he wanted them to do.’   
Lizzie glared at Red, ‘You are talking about my parents…aren’t you?’   
Red nodded and Lizzie gasped. She did want to hear and she didn’t. It was rather like paying to see a horror movie that you wanted to see yet also didn’t want to see.   
‘Please continue…’ Lizzie’s blue eyes softened slightly but there was also a shimmer in them. Red lifted his head. He stood and started to pace, sighing deeply. ‘I never meant to but I fell in love with your mom. It was wrong because back home, I was married and had a daughter. I loved your mother very much Lizzie but I had to leave because if Constan–…er, your father would have found out, he would have killed us all. To make a long story short; your father did find out about Katarina and me. He confronted me one night and we started fighting. Some candles got tipped over and started a fire. After that, things quickly got worse when the fire mixed with some unknown gas leak in the house. You saw us fighting. Your father had knocked me down and was struggling with your mom. You got hold of my gun and accidentally shot your father.’  
Lizzie tried to speak but tears clogged her throat and burned her eyes. She swallowed hard and looked away from Red toward the window but he continued.   
‘Before I realized what was happening, the fire in the house was raging. I could either save you or your mom. I chose you! It was…it was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Worst thing by far. It was in that night that I brought you to Sam.’ Regret knifed through Red and it made him walk toward Lizzie. He stopped beside her and gently nudged her chin upward with his knuckles, ‘I never meant for you to get hurt,’ he whispered, looking down at her. Lizzie’s lips quivered on a small smile but at the same time, a tear slid a curved path down her cheek. She blinked as Red’s hand slid higher to sweep it away, blinking harder as he caressed her cheek.   
‘What happed when you returned home? Have you told your wife about the affair with my mom?’   
Red swallowed hard and sat down next to Lizzie, stretching his legs.   
‘I ran out of gas.’   
‘Huh?’   
‘I was so excited to get home; I didn’t even bother to look. My head was just–...I ran out of gas.’  
‘What are you taking about?’ Lizzie whispered, a little angry because Red seemed to have changed the subject.   
‘It was Christmas Eve. I pulled off to the side of the road. Seemed like it’d been snowing for days. No traffic. No cars to come help. Just me and a car full of gifts. It was more than twenty years ago. I must have walked four miles…five, maybe. It was so still. Just cold and white. The whole time, all I could think about was them in our house. The warm light in the windows, the smoke from the chimney.   
The sound of my daughter at the piano. The smell of the tree and the fire, oyster stew on the stove. I was so upset to think that I’d ruined Christmas for them, being late, leaving the gifts in the car. But the closer I got, the more I realized how funny the whole thing was, how much they’d love the story; daddy running out of gas. How every Christmas they’d get such joy from telling that story at my expense. And then finally…I got there.   
Lizzie had many questions, but she did not dare to interrupt Red. For the first time since she’d met him, his handsome face was vulnerable and open, agony scoring his eyes and pain contorting his features.   
‘I walked–...I walked through the door. And there was…just blood. All I saw was blood. All there was was blood.   
Lizzie’s throat tightened and she swallowed hard.   
‘I can–…I can still s…smell the nape of her neck…feel her little…fingers on my cheek…her whisper in my ear.   
A choking sound and then another one. Then Lizzie was sure. Red was crying. A rush of profound, heartfelt compassion made her whole chest ache. She leaned in and gathered him against her. He buried his face in her neck and held on to her fiercely. And she held him, her heart almost breaking for the heaviness of his loss.   
‘Red…I’m sorry,’ she whispered over and over, his tears wet against her neck. He made a soft sound of pain when he wrapped his arms around her waist and she pressed his head against her chest. His hair was soft, his scalp warm against her palm as she cradled him.   
And then she heard him whisper; ‘Later, I found out that your dad was responsible for the death of my wife and daughter. The day before he died, he had hired a hitman…’


	5. Time to Say Goodbye?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lizzie's feelings for Red have changed but he is stubborn, thinking he's too old for her. Can Lizzie change his mind or is it better when she leaves?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Jon Bokenkamp & NBC; all rights reserved . This fanfic is a work of fiction. It details my own imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locations is entirely coincidental.

Chapter 5

In the days that followed, they were both very careful. Neither Liz nor Red wanted to say anything the other could misunderstand. They’d kissed and Red had finally shared some information about their history and to each of them it had been more intense, more vital than anything they’d ever experienced before. What had happened between them had left them both more than a little stunned.   
For a man like Raymond Reddington, who was used to saying what he wanted, doing as he pleased, it wasn’t easy to walk on eggshells twenty-four hours a day but he was afraid to speak, afraid he’d say the wrongs thing and hurt Lizzie. He might not love her (which he kept telling himself over and over again), but he cared, deeply! Lizzie was important to him – very important – whether she realized it or not.   
A few days after their kiss, Red was standing in the kitchen preparing a dinner of risotto and mushrooms while Lizzie was in her bedroom. Half an hour later they were quietly sitting around the dinner table, eating. Lizzie sighed inwardly. How nice would it be to just sit and eat without those damn butterflies that kept whirling around in her stomach? Without silence acting as an impenetrable wall between them? Without having to stay quiet for fear of saying or doing the wrong things? Suddenly, she felt sick of the whole situation. She’d had it with Raymond Reddington and his secrets and their bickering and their…kiss? Sure, she would have to live without his protection but she could do this…couldn’t she?   
‘I am leaving,’ she announced, jumping to her feet, ‘The walls are closing in on me.’   
‘You can’t leave! You’d be in a holding cell within 24 hours.’ Red answered unmoved while he nipped from his glass of wine. Lizzie swallowed. She’d heard the irritation and disappointment in his voice. She pressed her lips together and sat back down again. An uneasy silence settled over the room, the clock ticking loudly on the wall and seconds stretching into minutes. Lizzie felt like her nerves were stretching until they were as thin as frayed rope but then she burst out, ‘Go to hell…you can’t keep me here.’ She surged up off her chair and hurried toward the open door that led to the hallway but before she had reached it, Red had caught up with her. His big hand clamped down on her shoulder. Lizzie froze instantly.   
‘Lizzie, please…’  
‘No…you…can’t–…?’   
When Red grasped her shoulders and began turning her to face him, she thought about kicking him in the groin, but something within her succumbed. She turned, lifted her hand and caressed Red’s cheek. ‘I know you want to protect me, want to cocoon me in some safe place where you think I can’t be hurt. But I can’t keep doing this. I’m in–…’   
‘Lizzie…’ Red said cautiously, inching toward her. ‘Don’t. I know what you’re going to say. Please don’t.’   
‘I’m sorry, Red. It’s better this way.’ The words felt like shards of glass in her throat.   
‘Look, what happened yesterday was unexpected, but we both know it’s not going to work out. We have a few more weeks to go and then it’s safe to leave the country. I couldn’t bear if you left now and got arrested…or worse. Please don’t leave!’ Red’s brow pulled low over his eyes as he searched Lizzie’s.   
‘I have to go, Red,’ she whispered.   
‘No, you don’t.’  
‘I’ll fall more in love with you.’ Lizzie forced back tears. ‘If I stay, it’ll only break me because you don’t love me back.’   
‘Lizzie…Please, stop talking about love,’ Red said, his whole face dropping with despair. ‘All I want for you is to be safe. What can I do to make you stay? Red stepped closer, his hands ready to grab Lizzie, ‘Please just…stay!’   
‘No…I’m leaving!’ Lizzie turned around.  
‘NO!’ Red’s hand shot out and he spun her into his chest by her arm, ‘I’m not letting you go.’   
‘You don’t have choice.’ Lizzie pushed Red’s hand off of her.   
Red said nothing for a moment, and then as giving into some inner struggle, he lowered his head until his lips met hers. Lizzie held her breath, uncertain and yet expectant. Giving herself over to the moment, she dissolved into Red, becoming one with him. She could feel everything; all her senses were heightened. Red’s mouth was warm and moist, his kiss powerful and demanding. Sighing, she opened her mouth, allowing him admission. His tongue thrust inside, exploring as it raked softly against her teeth and tongue. Tingles spiralled upward from her core and her nipples peaked, her body suddenly pulsating with need. Red was a part of her soul.   
But he’s doing this to keep you here, a taunting inner voice whispered. He does not love you. Her heart defended him though. He does love me. He just doesn’t know it yet!   
Suddenly Red ended the kiss and gently pushed Lizzie away from him. After taking several deep breaths, he said, ‘I’m sorry Lizzie. I shouldn’t have let things get out of hand.’   
She shook her head, ‘It wasn’t your fault. I wanted it as much as you did.’   
‘Yeah,’ Red sighed. He shoved open the kitchen door and held it for her. ‘How about a cup of coffee or tea or–…’  
Lizzie laid her hand on Red’s chest and he immediately went rigid as stone.   
‘You kissing me has not changed anything. I’m still leaving unless you’re honest. Do you have feelings for me?’  
‘Lizzie…’  
‘Do you?’   
‘Lizzie, stop asking me that. Don’t build up some imaginary fairy-tale romance around us. I’m no Prince Charming, believe me. I am no good for you.’   
‘Why do you keep saying that?’ She wanted to put her arms around him and hold him close but she sensed his need to keep some physical distance between them. Just when Red opened his mouth to speak, there was a knock at the back door. Startled, Lizzie leaned back against the door frame while Red pulled his gun from his holster.   
‘I’ll go see who’s at the door.’   
Lizzie nodded and waited for Red to get to the door before she came up a few feet behind him, ready to draw her gun. Red turned on the porch light, glanced through the peephole and then opened the door. Mr. Kaplan stood on the front porch.   
‘I know you said only to come here when it’s urgent but this is…urgent,’ Mr. Kaplan said, with a serious frown on her face.   
‘Come on in,’ Red nodded, indicating a welcome. Mr. Kaplan wiped her feet and entered the small hallway. ‘I’ve got some bad news and I wanted to deliver it in person.’   
‘What is it, Kate?’ Red asked as Lizzie inched her way closer to Red.   
‘You might want to sit down Elisabeth,’ Mr. Kaplan suggested. Lizzie swallowed hard but Red reached out, slipping his arm around her waist and pulling her to his side. ‘Out with it, Kate.’   
Mr. Kaplan inhaled and exhaled deeply. ‘Just when we thought things were getting better, we’ve learned that there is an advertisement out for a hitman. Someone is going to pay $ 700,000 if Liz is killed.’   
‘Who?’ Lizzie asked.  
‘Not just one man,’ Red sighed. ‘There will be others.’   
Mr. Kaplan nodded. ‘That’s the scary part. This isn’t a contract. It’s a bounty on the Darknet. Wanted–…dead not alive!   
Deadnotalive.org?   
Mr. Kaplan nodded. ‘That’s what it’s actually called. Someone with the screen name Arioch Cain put a price on Elisabeth’s head. Now any nutjob who kills her will collect the money if he can prove he did it.’   
‘How does he do that,’ Lizzie asked.   
‘By submitting the date, location and method of execution, plus a unique identifier.’   
‘Can’t someone take down the site?   
Mr. Kaplan shook her head, ‘It is decentralized, cached on servers all over the world. If we would take one down, two pop up! It’s completely anonymous, so there’s no way to tell who this Arioch Cain really is.’   
Mr. Kaplan stuck her hands in her coat pockets and glanced at Lizzie, ‘I’m sorry dear but I’m afraid you two have to stay in hiding a little while longer.’  
When Red guided Mr. Kaplan to the door, Lizzie went back to the living room. When Red entered, she turned to him. ‘Does this mean we have to stay at this damn bar?’   
‘I wish I could say that it won’t be necessary but we can’t take any chances,’ Red told her. ‘Not with your life on the line. Besides, we’re safe here!’ Red was about to call it a night when he noticed that Lizzie’s face looked troubled but with everything that had happened between them, he wasn’t sure if she would want his company. Still, he felt the need to go to her. He stopped a few feet from her and took a deep breath, ‘Lizzie?’   
She looked up and tried to smile but he could see her lower lip trembling. To her surprise, his arms encircled her and pulled her against him, ‘I won’t let anything happen to you.’   
Red made everything sound so easy but it this time it wasn’t enough. There was a price on her head. The chance of ever being able to lead a normal life was gone.   
…  
Lizzie could hear a woman crying in the distance. Hopeless. Broken. The sound in the room filled with despair. She wished someone would help the woman. She couldn’t imagine what had happened. She couldn’t remember.   
‘Shh…Lizzie. Stop crying sweetheart. Everything’s going to be okay!’  
Her body jerked involuntarily at the sound of his voice. She knew him. Knew his scent. Knew his touch. His hand stroked over her hair and then she realized, she was the woman weeping and Red was holding her.   
She felt his hands grip her shoulders. Felt him lift her, wrap her in his arms, and hold her as she unravelled. After several long minutes, he walked her to the bedroom. He sat down with her on the bed and wrapped them together in a big, soft comforter.   
‘Lizzie…?’ Red’s hand was warm on her skin when he brushed the hair from her face. She curled up against him, just happy to feel his skin against her once more. She wrapped her arms around his neck, wanting his warmth and familiarity. He kept stroking her hair, whispering soothing words until her tears finally subsided and she rested next to him; exhausted.   
…  
‘Feeling better?’ Red’s voice was gentle.   
Lizzie nodded. ‘Just really tired,’ she sniffed.   
‘You should try to get some sleep.’ Red’s words ruffled her hair. ‘We’ll talk in the morning…okay?’   
Lizzie nodded and closed her eyes when Red shifted even closer, wrapping his arms around her.   
‘Sleep tight, sweetheart.’   
Lizzie managed to mumble a goodnight before the steady lullaby of Red’s heart sent her to sleep.


	6. Morning Delight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lizzie is convinced Red loves her...he just doesn't know it yet. How can she make him show her his love? Readers let me know they love a slow burn but hey...it has to happen sometimes...  
> Please review if you have some time to spare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Jon Bokenkamp & NBC; all rights reserved . This fanfic is a work of fiction. It details my own imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locations is entirely coincidental.

Chapter 6

Having awakened nearly an hour ago, Lizzie had occupied herself with a long hot shower but now the bite of hunger and her grumbling stomach made it impossible for her to concentrate on anything else. She frowned in the direction of the bed. Red lay spread out across the middle of the mattress, a sheet covering him from the waist down. His arm blocked the view of his face, but she knew, he was still sound asleep. She was grateful because he’d stayed with her during the night after her emotional outburst. Red moaned softly and shifted. Lizzie seated herself carefully on the edge of the bed. Her attention was drawn to Red’s multiple burn scars that ran from one shoulder blade to the other. This was the first time she really could look at them. Leaning over and bracing up on one elbow, she studied them with interest. No wonder, Red struggled to connect. That night of the fire had undoubtedly left its mark on him, and not just in a physical way. Looking down, she touched the scar on her inner wrist…a pink Y-shaped line where the synthetic skin of her favourite bunny had burned into her skin. Sometimes it still stung sharply. Would Red feel his too? She reached out and touched one particularly horrid scar just below his left shoulder blade. The skin beneath her fingers was warm and she could feel the ridge of scar tissue under her palm. A lump lodged in her throat and the sting of imminent tears stung behind her eyes when she realized he had saved her without serious injuries, although he had been considerably burned himself. And in that moment Lizzie felt the impact of what Red had done; it had been an act of love! A love that made her realize she would never give up on him; a love that had seen the possibility of what they could be together; a love that would last forever, despite the age difference.   
Lizzie rose from the bed and looked down upon Red. She stood there for a moment, trembling and biting her lower lip before she took a deep breath and started undressing. A moment later, she slid back into bed behind Red, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her body against his.   
Red awoke, rested and relaxed. He tried to roll over but was stopped by a slender naked body. It jolted him awake immediately.   
‘Lizzie…w…what are you doing?’ He gasped when he felt his manhood harden underneath his pyjama pants, swallowing hard when he realized Lizzie was completely naked.   
‘Don’t do this Lizzie. Put your clothes back on…for Goodness’ sake. I don’t want–…’ Red tried to move away from her but couldn’t when she put a hand on his face and begun caressing it gently with her long slender fingers.   
‘Lizzie…I can’t do this. It’s wrong!’   
‘No, it’s not…I want you to make love to me!’ Red groaned and rolled over, desperately trying to hide his erection. His nostrils flared and his jaw tightened as Lizzie laid her hand on the hard bulge in his pyjama pants.  
Oh damn…Red felt himself throbbing beneath Lizzie’s roaming fingers, just a thin layer of cotton dividing their flesh. And as if that wasn’t tempting enough, she moved her hair aside, giving him access to her neck. He groaned again. There were sensitive spots on a woman’s neck that would bring her to her knees when he touched them correctly, and now his fingers were inching toward Lizzie’s.   
‘You’re trembling,’ she whispered.   
‘Yeah,’ Red breathed.   
Lizzie’s eyes flashed as she searched his face. Then she pulled her hand from Red’s groin to his chest, bringing him closer. Red couldn’t interpret what was happening in his head, heart and body. There were too many conflicting emotions fighting to keep control. His mind swirled for a moment, but he quickly recovered. This time, their kiss was even more memorable as their lips moved against each other, in a slow tender movement. As the kiss ended, Red pulled back slightly and looked at Lizzie’s face. She looked different, her eyes slightly closed; a look he’d never seen before, building in him a new sense of desire. He brought his lips back to hers again, only this time the kiss was a more urgent one. His hands went around to the back of her head. Her hands went up around his shoulders, her fingers on the back of his neck. Their lips were pressed hard against each other, moving feverishly as if searching for some special spot that could somehow quell the fire that started burning in the both of them. Red kissed Lizzie’s nose, her forehead, and her closed eyelids, then down to her neck. He loved the softness of her skin, the sweet scent of her freshness. She was fresh and young and Red realized, he was holding that sweet little girl whom he fell in love with so many years ago. This wasn’t wrong…this was how it was meant to be. Red felt tears welling up in his eyes. He had never felt such love for anyone in his life. Lizzie was giving herself to him without any demands, just love and understanding. This woman knew and understood him better than he knew himself.   
‘Thank you, Lizzie,’ he whispered into her hair, nuzzling the silky strands. She turned her head and lifted up a little to look at Red.   
‘For what?’   
‘For understanding. For wanting me…all of me…and for not giving up!’   
Lizzie smiled, ‘you’re welcome.’   
Red’s heart swelled. It felt like it was going to burst out of his chest.  
‘Do you want me, Lizzie?’ he said, as her fingers slid down the hard muscles of his arms.   
‘Mmm…yes.’ She could barely get the words out as Red pushed down his pyjama pants and they were both naked. Red lowered his head and kissed her breast, his teeth scraping her nipple. Lizzie writhed underneath him.   
‘Red…please?’   
‘What?’ He whispered while he lowered his lips and kissed the other nipple. Harder. Nipping. Lizzie arched again, feeling warm moistness between her legs. Squirming beneath Red, hot and wanting, she closed her eyes. Her blood thundered through her veins, her body aching for him.   
‘That’s my girl,’ Red whispered, one hand sliding to her calf.   
‘Oh, God…Red,’ Lizzie whimpered as Red kissed her abdomen and his fingers caressed her calf, climbing higher, past her knee as he kissed the sensitive area around her navel. She couldn’t breathe, could only arch, anticipating, wanting, pulsing for him.   
And then his delicate touch slipped through her folds and discovered her centre. Each glide of his fingers over that sensitive knot at the top made her buck her hips higher. Every time his deft fingertips grazed her, her breath caught in her throat, verging on a sob.   
‘Open your eyes,’ Red said softly.   
‘Please,’ Lizzie said, tears burning under her closed eyelids. ‘Red, please?’   
‘Look at me.’   
‘Red, I want you. Please.’   
‘Lizzie, look at me?’   
She dragged her eyes open. The world blurred and she blinked harder to clear the tears. Red hovered above her, his eyes shining with passion. Then he kissed her softly, soothing her with his kiss. When he withdrew, Lizzie couldn’t tear her eyes away from the pale morning light, touching Red’s cheekbones and glinting in his eyes. She whispered, ‘Make love to me, Red.’   
His knees were between hers, and his elbows on either side of her head. His mouth danced just above hers and he was breathing deeply, holding himself just at her entrance. Lizzie sighed and slipped her arms under Red’s shoulders and around him, marvelling at his warm skin under her hands.   
‘Look at me. Look into my eyes.’   
As she did, their gazes met; his soft eyes just inches above hers, and she felt the tip of his erection pushing into her. She closed her eyes and lifted her hips, trying to feel him and press herself down on him but Red urged her. ‘Open your eyes, Lizzie. Look at me.’   
She opened her eyes to see him again, so close to her, so intimate and then he pushed his hard length inside her, pushing the air out of her lungs. Lizzie clutched Red’s broad shoulders. Red’s muscles quivered as he held still. He was thick and hard inside her. She savoured the feeling of being joined so intimately with him at last. When she relaxed, Red began to move slowly. She raised her hips to meet him, demanding more.   
‘You’re mine now, Lizzie. Mine,’ Red breathed.   
With each deep thrust, it felt as if he sank into her very soul. He took her, marking her as exclusively his, his manhood buried deep inside her, his body melded to hers. As if nothing could ever part them.   
Red loved it; Lizzie’s excited whimpers; her delicious scent, how her tight, slippery heat surrounded him. Pride filled him as he moaned with pleasure. The tips of her hardened nipples brushed against his damp chest as he slid over her. Pushing himself up on his hands, he watched her. Wonder filled her gaze as he tutored her in passion. He wanted to claim each inch of her, bond them together for ever and always. They made love as if their lives depended on it.   
Wrapping her legs around Red’s pumping buttocks; Lizzie raised her hips to meet his rhythm; the sweet, intense pressure inside of her building higher and higher. She arched against him and cried out his name as everything burst inside her. Red groaned, shuddering, as his own release came. He collapsed on top of Lizzie, his breathing ragged against her ear and she tenderly caressed him. As they lay there in bed, spent from their love making, still breathing hard, holding one another tightly, Lizzie whispered into Red’s ear…’I love you.’ Red squeezed her a little tighter and whispered back, ‘…And I love you too sweetheart. It’s you, who holds my heart…and soul!’


	7. Ghosts from the past?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lizzie and Red have finally found their way to each others heart but what if...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Jon Bokenkamp & NBC; all rights reserved . This fanfic is a work of fiction. It details my own imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locations is entirely coincidental.

In that sparsely furnished apartment above the old bar – their hideaway – they had made love. Red didn’t even bother why they were at that old crappy place because there, he had finally realized he and Lizzie were meant to be together; not only to act as her protector but as her best friend, soulmate… love of her life! Afterwards they lay in the semi dark. Red traced Lizzie’s features with his fingertips, running across the curve of her cheek, along her throat, across her bare shoulder and small, perfectly-formed breasts.  
A train scattered and hissed along the tracks in the distance.  
‘Lizzie…?’ Red said quietly.  
She was watching him, something working behind her eyes. She put a finger to his lips, ‘Shhh,’ she said.  
Red turned his attention back to the pale skin at her hip and waist, then back up to the gentle curve of her neck. They made love again, and Red awoke sometime in the night. He could barely believe what had happened between them and an involuntary smile came to his lips. He leaned over, gently brushed some hair out of Lizzie’s face and propped up on one elbow, watching her sleep.  
The next morning, he lay there staring at the ceiling. After a while, he quietly slipped from beneath the covers, headed to the kitchen and brought her a cup of coffee. He squatted on the floor next to the bed and glanced at her.  
‘Lizzie,’ he said softly. ‘I think the time has come to leave.’  
Considering what Mr. Kaplan had told them the night before about Arioch Caine, Red’s message came as a bit of a surprise to Lizzie and she barely managed to suppress her reaction. She sat up, hugging her knees, ‘You think?’  
Gently, Red placed Lizzie’s coffee mug down on the floor, pulling up the sheet and slipping back into bed. He traced her arm with his finger, barely brushing the fine hairs.  
‘I’m not sure; it’s safe to leave,’ Lizzie swallowed hard. ‘What about that hitman?’  
‘Let me worry about that, sweetheart!’  
Lizzie didn’t say anything then. It looked like Red had already made up his mind. Somehow, the previous night, they’d sealed something in the act of making love. She didn’t quite understand how, but that was the way it was. Normally, she would have argued with Red but now Liz knew, everything he did was in her best interest. She could trust him with her life.  
She watched him as he disappeared into the bathroom. She could hear the shower running as she remembered their previous night; what a wonderful lover Red had proven to be; experienced and considerate…and very skilled. A blush crept up Lizzie’s cheeks but then she realized, there had also been a warmth, a tenderness, when they had made love that had never been there when she’d made love with Tom.  
She reached for her coffee mug and took a sip. At the same time, her cell phone buzzed on the night stand. It startled her enough that she jumped and almost splashed hot coffee on herself. She frowned and grabbed her cell. ‘Who could be—‘She checked her screen and grimaced as she answered the call.  
‘Tom?’  
‘Yeah, it’s me!’ His voice sounded soft and tender. ‘How are you holding up?’  
Lizzie’s heart had nearly stopped at the sound of his voice but she ignored his question. ‘You shouldn’t call me Tom.’  
‘Why not. Did Reddington forbid you to talk to me?’  
‘No. That’s ridiculous. It’s just, I’m afraid my calls can be traced.’  
‘Don’t worry babe. I’ve made sure no one can trace my calls,’ Tom said, sounding very confident. ‘By now, you must be getting sick of Reddington and his boring stories. I’m in town. How about we meet? I have an idea how you can get away from Reddington and your pending charges!’  
Lizzie frowned at Tom’s negative remarks at Reddington’s expense but decided to swallow her emotions. ‘No, Tom. I choose to leave with Raym—…er Reddington and I plan to stay with him.’  
‘What? You call him Raymond now?’  
‘It’s none of your business,’ Lizzie barked into the phone. She ended the call and tossed the phone across the bed before grabbing a bathrobe and wrapping it around her. Tightening the sash, she opened the door that led into the bathroom. Warm, steamy air enveloped her. Red stood in front of the mirror, a towel wrapped negligently around his waist. Lizzie had a sudden urge to run her palms along the muscled contours of his buttocks but she halted and smiled. He would probably think she was some sex-craved teenager.  
‘What are you smiling at?’ Red asked innocently, as he stretched his neck to shave properly.  
Lizzie shook her head, ‘I was just thinking how domestic we look. I can’t imagine what my life was like, just a few months ago. I can’t imagine that there was ever a time I couldn’t sit in a bathroom with you while you were almost totally naked, shaving and feeling perfectly comfortable.’ She smiled as she stripped off her bathrobe and made her way into the shower, patting Red’s bottom on her way by. She simply couldn’t resist…  
‘There was no time before you,’ Red said serious, looking at her. ‘Time started the minute I saw you at the Post Office…in my box.’ Red locked eyes with her for a moment, before he went back to finish shaving. A rush of tenderness filled Lizzie and she was glad the bathroom was foggy as a tear of joy rolled down her cheek.  
* * *  
The neighbourhood was quiet. The town had settled in for the night and there were few cars or people in the streets, ‘I have to go meet an acquaintance to arrange our flight,’ Red said with a serious frown on his face. ‘Will you be able to manage on your own?’  
‘It’s just for a couple of hours,’ Lizzie smiled, sending him an amused look. ‘I’m sure I can handle. Besides, there is no one, except for Mr. Kaplan and Dembé who know we’re here. Just hurry back,’ she said while she kissed his cheek  
Red nodded and smiled, ‘I love you.’ She felt his lips against her temple.  
‘Say it again,’ she whispered.  
‘I love you.’  
She leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips, ‘I love you too!’  
...  
Red. She could almost smell him; his spicy scent mixed with a hint of mint. She could picture him in her head, his handsome, intelligent face. She could almost feel his warm fingers touching her arms, his firm moist lips, kissing her throat, her jaw, her lips. Letting her head relax against the chair back, Lizzie tilted up her chin and trailed her fingers lightly down the sensitive skin under her jaw and down her neck, mimicking the movements, Red would make. It was such an easy thing for her to travel back in time to the night before, the night of their passionate lovemaking. The first time with him would be an exquisite memory she would cherish for the rest of her life. Red had wanted her. She’d known it by the yearning she’d seen in his gaze, by the furious beating of his heart and the hardness of his desire she had felt, pressed so intimately against her. The vivid memory of their lovemaking made her gasp in response but her eyes flew open and she jerked upright when she heard a stumble at the back door. It couldn’t be Red. He had just left minutes ago.  
Lizzie panicked for a moment but concentrated on steadying her breathing in order to calm herself. She grabbed the gun, Red had given her – a Browning – from the table and with her thumb she knocked off the safety catch. Slowly, quietly, head against the back door, she listened intently. When she heard nothing, she carefully opened the back door, the gun pointing upwards.  
‘Are you gonna shoot me?’ Tom teased, while he flashed his best boyish grin.  
‘What the hell are you doing here?’ Lizzie scolded.  
‘I am glad to see you too, babe!’  
Lizzie stepped aside and let Tom pass by.  
‘Liz, I’m so glad to see you,’ Tom said warmly as he stepped forward and pressed his lips to her cheek. Lizzie stiffened but Tom did not seem to notice. She stepped backwards and glanced up into Tom’s clear blue eyes, ‘How did you know where I was?’  
‘I have my methods,’ Tom smiled while he glanced around the old bar.  
‘Stop kidding around Tom. I’m dead serious here. How did you know I was here…at this old bar?  
‘Remember our last night together…when we made love on my boat? I put a bug in your coat…a tracer so I’d always know where you were!’ Tom smiled confidently.  
‘Seriously?’ Lizzie swallowed hard.  
‘It’s tiny. I clipped it onto the back of your jacket. You wouldn’t even have known it was there.’  
‘But why?’  
‘Because I wanted to make sure, I could always find you!’  
Lizzie’s face was white with shock and anger as she looked Tom full in the face. ‘You had no right.’  
She heard Tom take a long deep breath before he replied, and then his voice was cool and gentle. ‘It was for your own good.’  
‘I am perfectly safe in Red’s care,’ she hissed between clenched teeth. Sensing a change in Liz, Tom narrowed his eyes. He took a deep cleansing breath, ‘Liz, I know I’ve lied to you in the past but I could see what was beginning to happen between us. I knew that if I didn’t leave, it would only get more intense. The only way to save you from me was to leave and get as far away as I could but I was in pure misery when I left. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I thought of you night and day. When I closed my eyes, I could only see you!’ Tom stopped for a moment to let Liz catch up. She turned away from him and held on to a chair. She could hardly catch her breath. What was Tom trying to tell her?  
Tom walked to where she was standing and put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it, ‘I realized that life without you was not a life at all. I came back to fight for you, Liz!’  
Lizzie turned around and looked up at Tom; the look in his eyes and his facial expression said he was being sincere.  
‘Tom, you know I never would hurt you intentionally. Fleeing with Reddington was one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life but it was something that was necessary. God knows, I have not planned this but I’ve fallen in love with him!’  
The first part of her words started to sink in but the last words broke through. ‘You love him?’ he said angrily. Tom grabbed her arms pulled her close, so close her breasts were touching his chest and she could feel his angry breath on her cheek, ‘Then what about me, Liz?’  
‘Let go of me, Tom!’  
Tom said nothing. Neither did he relinquish his hold on Liz’ wrist. Slightly, panicking, Liz began clawing and swinging at Tom, doing everything in her power to break free, but nothing seemed to affect him. She tried to bite him, but he jerked his hands away from her mouth, shoving her down onto the floor. Tears of frustration sprang to Lizzie’s eyes but she couldn’t overpower Tom. He was too strong, too heavy. She wrestled with him anyway, but he had her pinned down so she could barely move. Tom straddled her frame, pinning her hands in front of her head with one hand, looking down into her eyes.  
‘Get offff ME!’ Lizzie shrieked.  
When Tom moved his hands to the waistline of her jeans, his meaning began to sink in and Liz tried to kick him but Tom yanked down her jeans with one quick movement. Lizzie began to really panic when her panties were pushed down. ‘Oh God, please don’t let this happen,’ she thought. She started struggling more fiercely but Tom was already in the process of undoing his pants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued...


	8. The Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red thought it would be better if they left their hideaway. In his head, things have drastically changed after their lovemaking. He's determined to leave the city but when he returns to the hideaway, Liz is gone...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Jon Bokenkamp & NBC; all rights reserved . This fanfic is a work of fiction. It details my own imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locations is entirely coincidental.

This part of town was even more run down than the Washington Highlands, Red thought when he drove back to the hideaway after his appointment with Mr. Kaplan. After parking his car, he hurried to the front door of the bar. Before opening the door, he glanced up at the sign in the window; ‘every Friday: Happy hour,’ it said in flashing neon script. Above that was a more permanent sign that identified their hideaway as ‘The Old Red Dog’. Red couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony of the name. Looking over his shoulder, there was no sign; he’d been followed so he turned the key and headed inside. Inside, everything was quiet and dark and Red headed for the stairs when his eyes suddenly fell on a dark spot on the floor. He squatted beside it and felt it with his fingers. It was blood! Red felt a panic rise up within him. Yelling Lizzie’s name, he ran upstairs, trying to locate her but the bar was empty and Lizzie was gone.   
‘Who had taken her? Had they found her? The FBI, had they returned?   
Red inhaled, feeling slightly lightheaded. He shook his head to rid himself of the dizziness. It didn’t help. Mechanically, he staggered to a chair and sank down in it. With his elbows on his knees, he slumped forward, resting his head in his hands. Filled with despair, he sat there. Never before had he felt so afraid and helpless. For the first time in a long time, Raymond Reddington didn’t know what to do.   
Red couldn’t remember how long he’d sat there in the dark, on the edge of that chair, staring at the walls but when the light had begun to seep through the curtains, he got up. He dialled Mr. Kaplan and left her a message. Then he sat back down again, with the phone in his lap, waiting.  
***  
When Red left the ‘Old Red Dog’, he saw Dembé standing on the curb waiting for him. A car was parked behind his friend, engine running. Dembé took Red’s arm and supported him while he helped him into the car. Dembé was used to hard work and long hours and dealing with the most unusual circumstances, Red sometimes brought them in but never had he seen him so distraught before. Neither of them spoke until the door was closed and the car was on the move.   
‘Raymond, what happened?’ was Dembé’s first question.  
‘They must have come back…the FBI. They must have found her.’ Red’s voice sounded desperately tired and utterly dispirited.   
‘Then it would have been all over the news, Raymond,’ Dembé said slowly, ‘…and that’s not the case.’   
Red sat upright as Dembé’s words sunk in ‘It has not? Dembé…turn around. I wanna go back!’  
Inside the bar, Red began going through every room, trying to find any information that could shed some light on what had happened to Lizzie. He went through every cabinet, closet and drawer until he finally spotted Liz’ cell phone on the floor behind the nightstand. He picked it up, turned it on and glanced down at the screen. On the caller ID-screen he saw, she’d received a call the night before: Tom Keen. Red sank down on the edge of the bed while his eyes went cold and his jaw clenched tight; she wouldn’t have gone voluntarily with him…not after what happened between them last night. Their lovemaking had been real, not a play…  
***  
Later that evening, with the sun already set, Aram arrived at his apartment building at the Potomac. Readjusting his shoulder pack, he lifted his bike and carried it through the door.  
‘Have a good one,’ Aram smiled, giving a quick glance at the janitor.  
‘Thank you Mr. Mojtabai!’   
Aram gave the janitor a friendly nod and carried his bike to the elevator bay. While taking the elevator down to the basement to store his bike, his thoughts went to Elizabeth Keen. He wondered where she’d fled to with Mr. Reddington. Until now, they hadn’t been able to track down the illicit duo and deep in his heart, Aram secretly hoped they never would. He took the elevator to his floor and exited. He walked to his apartment and as he opened the front door, he heard a click and a swoosh. His backpack fell to the floor when someone pulled him inside by his arm.   
‘Whaa…W…what?’   
Aram blinked quickly as if he wanted his eyesight to clear but then he recognized the man standing in front of him. He was pointing a gun at him.  
‘Mr. Reddington?’   
‘Are you alone Aram?’ Red asked calmly.   
Aram nodded and closed the door quickly behind him, ‘Alone? Yes…yes, I am!’ Realizing there was no thread; Red lowered the gun to his side. Aram noticed Red’s face was full with concern as he walked into the room and placed his gun down on the coffee table.   
‘Mr. Reddington, what is going on? Where is Elizabeth?’ Aram asked a bit alarmed now. Red’s expression was grim as he looked up, ‘Tom Keen has taken her! And that is why I need your help. Aram.’  
Red explained to Aram what had happened and almost immediately, Aram pulled out his laptop and powered it up.   
‘Where were you staying?’ Aram asked.  
‘658 Union Street!’   
‘What…where? But—…’  
Aram couldn’t believe what he was hearing but when he noticed Red’s impatience, he quickly logged in to a centralized monitoring centre in control of all the surveillance cameras around town. After a long search, the footage showed Tom pushing Lizzie into a blue van which Aram followed to the harbour. Both men then saw how Tom carried Lizzie onto a medium sized power boat.  
‘Can you get the name of that boat?’ Red pointed at the screen.  
Aram zoomed in and they both read the name aloud: Jené II.   
‘Thank you Aram, you have been very helpful,’ Red hurried to say when he snatched up his gun and Fedora and made his way to the door.   
‘B…but Mr. Reddington…Shouldn’t I alarm the Bureau?’   
‘NO!’ Red grabbed Aram by his shoulders, ‘don’t alarm anyone…I’ll take care of this!’ Aram nervously cleared his throat but nodded his agreement, ‘Please get her back safely!’ he said softly.   
A small smile graced Red’s lips, ‘I owe you!’ Then he nodded and disappeared into the night.   
***  
Lizzie awoke with a start but within seconds her rolling stomach snagged her attention. She had to throw up! She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stumbled onto the deck, pushing past Tom. She leaned over the railing and retched. It seemed to be coming all the way from her intestines. Her stomach cramped down hard, causing her to moan even when she was finished. Her head throbbed in time with her heart, fast and hard like blows of a hammer. The acidic taste of bile coated her mouth but then a glass of water was held before her.   
‘Drink,’ Tom ordered. Lizzie took the glass, then stood, her legs wobbling beneath her. She leaned over the railing and rinsed her mouth out.   
‘Better?’ Tom asked. Lizzie nodded and then straightened, ‘You need to bring me back.’  
‘Are you worried about Reddington? He will never find us,’ Tom smiled with a smug expression on his face. ‘And don’t worry about your seasickness babe…it’s just temporary!’   
Ignoring his remarks, Lizzie pleaded again, ‘I’m not your babe and if you know what’s good for you, you to return to the mainland,’   
Tom stared at Lizzie, ‘I thought you would be happy I came for you?’   
Lizzie stared at Tom in disgust. ‘You’ve raped me! Do you really think, we’ll ever be together? I love Raymond…that’s not going to change if you take me away from him!’  
‘Eventually, you will forget about him,’ Tom said while he stepped forward, ‘I love you, babe!’  
‘Well…I don’t love you back!’ Lizzie snapped, eyes flashing.   
‘You’re mine!’ Tom yelled, grabbing Lizzie by the shoulders, the muscles rippling in his forearms.   
‘Let go…you’re hurting me!’ Liz’ voice was about to break, an uncontrollable anger trembling on the edges. She pulled herself loose and slapped Tom across the face. He seemed stunned for a second, than grabbed her again. ‘Enough!’ he snapped.   
‘I’ll hit you a bloody nose again if you don’t let go of me!’ Liz yelled.   
She didn’t see the slap coming. She merely found herself stumbling backward and falling on the deck from the force and shock of it, her cheek burning as if someone had rubbed hot tar on it. Tom was standing over her, his fists clenched. ‘You will never hit me again,’ he said with loathing.   
Lizzie’s eyes filled with tears and spilled over, running down her face. She bowed her head, allowing her hair to hide the pain now so apparent on her face.   
‘If I can’t have you, no one will,’ Tom spat when he hovered over her.  
***  
In the meantime, Red had arrived at the harbour. To his disappointment, neither Tom nor his motor boat was in the Marina. When Red enquired with another yacht owner, he was told that the Jené II had left. ‘Ask the harbourmaster! He might have left a message where he was going!’ When Red did just that, the harbour master told him most yachtsmen just left without leaving any word as to their sailing plans. ‘It makes it damn difficult for me if they get into any sort of trouble with a storm or motor damage, ‘the harbour master muttered while he rummaged through some papers.   
‘Ah…here it is! The Jené II is heading for…Hawaii!’   
…  
‘Dembé, I want to thank you for everything,’ Red said, enunciating the words. ‘Your loyalty towards me is heart wrenching!’ Dembé took in a deep breath, ‘You know I would do anything for you Raymond but I’m also worried. Is this really a good idea?’   
Red’s mouth tightened, ‘I just know, I need to get Lizzie back!’ Dembé nodded and the two men hugged tightly, their bond obvious to anyone who‘d been watching.   
Holding the binoculars with both hands, Red stood on the deck, focusing his attention ahead, searching anxiously for the Jené II. Day and night, night and day, he trod the deck until he finally fell asleep of sheer exhaustion.  
When Red awoke, the sun had set, and it was nearly pitch-dark around him. It took him a moment to realize he was out in open waters as water lapped gently against the sides of his yacht. After a few moments, he got up, stretched and arched his back a few times to loosen up. He grabbed a bottle of water and took several long sips. Still a bit groggy, he poured some water into his hand and splashed it on his face. When he was sufficiently awake, he stripped off his clothes and replaced them by a clean set. After gathering up his night view binoculars and a bottle of water, he went to the bow of the yacht because that location gave him a clearest view. Within minutes, he spotted a small white motor boat, almost on the horizon astern. He squinted but the yacht was too far out. Feverishly, Red hoisted his sails. Within seconds, the yacht smoothly flew over the foam, rising to the crests of the waves or slightly disappearing in their depths. As Red neared the boat, he heard the sound of small arms fire and saw the splash of near misses. Pulling alongside, he looked inside the boat just as Tom Keen’s eyes caught his own. Red instantly whirled to his side and saw how another shot shattered the window next to his head. In a reflex, Red grabbed the flare gun and rolled to the floor. Without aiming at a specific target, he pulled the trigger. The flare hit Tom right in the chest, setting him on fire. He dropped to the deck of the boat, rolling back and forth, screaming and writhing in agony as his flesh was consumed by flames. Red never had moved so quickly in his life. Without a further thought, he jumped over the side of his yacht onto the motor boat but Tom slumped forward and took Red with him. Water flew high in a huge splash as the two men sprawled into the water. Red had lost his gun in the collision, but managed to get his hands on Tom’s throat. They rolled over and under water, scraping themselves on the side of the motor boat, but Red kept his fingers locked tightly around Tom’s neck. Tom’s fingers clawed at Red’s face, searching for his eyes but Red tilted his head to the right while he forced Tom deeper under water. Gradually, Tom’s struggles became weaker and his hands dropped away from Red’s face. To make sure, he wasn’t faking, Red held on to him for a couple of minutes longer. Finally, when he let go, Tom’s body drifted away loosely. Red pulled himself backwards up the motor boat’s ladder, water streaming from his clothes. The first thing he, spotted was Tom’s gun, laying on the deck…  
Pang…  
A shot fired from the motor boat, put a hole in Tom’s forehead and he slowly disappeared beneath the surface, sinking like a lead ball.  
…   
Red hurried below deck and found Lizzie in the dark, lying in a foetal position on the floor. It didn’t take him long to see, she was badly battered. Kneeling down, he carefully cradled her head in his arm and placed a bottle of water against her lips. Her mouth twitched and Red’s heart jumped in his throat; Thank God, she was alive!   
‘Lizzie…sweetheart, I have you!’ Red whispered. He carefully examined her arms and legs. His chin trembled as he took in the cuts and bruises criss-crossing Lizzie’s body. She was in a state between consciousness and unconsciousness, as if her body was protecting her mind by not fully awakening. Red took a deep breath and concentrated on bandaging her wounds. He picked her up and carefully hoisted her over to his yacht.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued
> 
> Reviews are good for my soul ;-)   
> Have a merry X-mas y'all...


	9. The struggle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red has rescued Lizzie from Tom but their connection has changed due to Tom's violent rape. Will they find their way to each other again? And what if the rape has consequences?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Jon Bokenkamp & NBC; all rights reserved . This fanfic is a work of fiction. It details my own imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locations is entirely coincidental.

Lizzie shot upright, her eyes wide in terror, her arms flailing through the air. For several seconds her voice failed her, and all she could produce was a hoarse whisper in the air where a scream should have been. In a second, Red was near her, soothing her, ‘Shhh…everything is fine. I have you!’

Lizzie felt paralyzed, unable to do anything but breathe in sharp gasps and pants. Her throat was as tight as a bow string and she couldn’t make any sound but a ragged wheeze. Red sat down next to her and took her in his arms, holding her close to him. She clung to him, trembling as reason slowly returned to her mind, and she sobbed against his chest. Red said nothing. He just kept holding and rocking her.

‘He—he raped—me,’ Lizzie brought out in a choked voice that sent a chill through Red’s spine and brought tears to his eyes. For a moment, he was still but then he encircled Lizzie tighter in his arms, ‘Sweetheart, don’t let your life be destroyed by something you could not possibly have prevented. If you do, you allow him to win and you will never be able to live a normal life again. This…was not your fault.’

When Red started talking to her in his soft, soothing voice, he felt Lizzie shaking with sobs. Red closed his eyes, ‘That’s it sweetheart. Let it out and start to heal. I have you now!’

It was close to nightfall when Red put down anchor. Afterwards, he went down below to check on Lizzie, but luckily he found her fast asleep. After a moment of hesitation, Red went back above deck. He gripped the railing, clutching until his knuckles turned white. True anger, hot and fluid, coursed through him. How long had she been able to fight Tom off? Why had _he_ been so stupid to leave her alone at the hideaway? Red’s jaws ground together, feeling empty. He had failed Lizzie miserably. The intense agony he suddenly felt, was overwhelming and an internal war started raging, which he had no control over. Red felt like yelling. He felt like breaking something or getting drunk but above all, he felt like killing someone to release his pain. Vibrations in his throat and chest challenged him though to chuckle at the irony of the situation because he had already killed Tom. Feeling desperate, he sat down. Not since the age of six had Red cried but now tears dropped from his face.

‘I hope you’ll burn in hell!’ He said softly as he stared up into the star filled sky.

*******

Red glanced at Lizzie to see how she was holding up. The past two weeks, she seemed to have gathered her composure but she still looked pretty fragile. Terrifying memories of the abuse still lay buried beneath the surface and Red knew she was haunted by severe nightmares.

Lizzie caught Red’s intensive gaze and deliberately averted her eyes. Red had been nothing but warm and gentle and constantly patient, his eyes showing nothing but love.

But this was just her problem. She had deliberately built an invisible wall between them so that she wouldn’t have to make love to Red, even though deep within her heart she wanted it just as much as he did. But the rape had left her feeling dirty and guilty, as though it was now wrong to make love. How could the same act be so despicable and ugly on the one hand and so sweet and right on the other? Somehow, Lizzie could no longer separate the two…it all had become vulgar and ugly. A laboured sigh escaped her lips and she squashed the pillow she was holding to her chest. Red walked over to her and lifted his hand. Very gently he reached out and touched Lizzie’s face. His nostrils slightly flared as he met Lizzie’s cautious eyes, ‘Oh, sweetheart, if you just could stop blaming yourself.’ Lizzie could feel Red’s warm breath on her skin; the scent of him swirling around her; his eyes, so close to hers. They were intense and riveting but she just couldn’t. She turned her face away and stepped back, her voice falling to a whisper, ‘Red please…I…c—can’t.’

Lizzie walked away to the sleeping area, facing the porthole, looking out over the water, her body trembling. She heard Red approaching but he stopped a short way off. He stood there for a while, but Lizzie couldn’t bring herself to turn and face him. The next thing, she knew, the door was closing behind him and she was alone again.

*******

Three more weeks later, Lizzie was looking out over the ocean, frantically searching her memory. She’d had her period a week before the rape so she should have had it again two weeks ago. Could she really be two weeks late? She was never late! The blood suddenly drained from her face to her toes and she felt as if she was about to faint.

‘Lizzie…sweetheart, are you okay?’

She clutched the railing and forced herself to breathe. ‘No—no, this c—cannot be happening, she squeaked while her face flushed. Red didn’t hesitate. In one second he was at her side. ‘What’s wrong?’ He laid a hand on Lizzie’s shoulder but she wriggled out from under his grasp.

‘I’m PREGNANT!’ she cried out in rage. She saw Red’s stunned reaction as he tried to process what she had just said to him. He just stood there with his intent gaze upon her, completely stunned by her admission.

_Oh, God_. Lizzie thought she was going to be sick. _Oh God! Why? Why? Why?_

She hiccupped and choked on a gut-wrenching sob. She wished she was somewhere else where she could run. Instead she was trapped on Red’s yacht in the middle of the ocean.

‘Lizzie…’ Red reached for her but she backed away. He reached for her again and pulled her into his arms but she came at him swinging. Red easily blocked the blows, making her cry out in frustration. She tried to pull away from him but Red didn’t release her, ‘Let me go!’

Feeling Red, pull her to his chest, Lizzie realized he would never let her go. As a whirl of memories of Red making love to her and Tom raping her, flashed through Lizzie’s mind, her breathing increased until she was nearly hyperventilating.

‘Let—go—of—me,’ she repeated breathlessly. When he didn’t, she struggled against him. ‘P—please?’ Lizzie sobbed in desperation. She needed to put distance between them. She needed to think and simply couldn’t when she was in Red’s arms.

‘I can’t, Lizzie. I can never let you go. I don’t care if the baby isn’t mine—wait, that’s not the entire truth. Of course, I care. I want that baby to be mine. But even if it isn’t, I will raise it as my own, no matter what!’

Lizzie remained silent and started to struggle in his arms again, but Red refused to let go of her. Lizzie cried and tears also slid down Red’s face. They had so much to gain right now.

‘I love you sweetheart.’ Red whispered against Lizzie’s hair, ‘…with all my heart and—I care for all the suffering Tom inflicted on you. But I love you too much to let what happened come between us. You are the love of my life and I don’t care what anyone says or thinks. You were convinced we belonged together long before I realized it. Now that I know what it is to be in love with you, I am never letting you go!’

Red softly kissed Lizzie’s temple and nipped along her cheek until he met her trembling lips. She stiffened against him but he continued to kiss her. Slowly, he let go of her wrists to trail his hands along her back. When Lizzie sighed and slowly responded, he pulled her tighter against him. When Red kept kissing her, Lizzie slowly felt the urge to fight him drain out of her. No more words needed to be spoken because she knew, Red loved and cherished her. She took his hand and led him below deck to the sleeping area. Red pulled off Lizzie’s shirt, moved down and kissed her stomach. All her conflicting thoughts disappeared. The only thing she could focus on was how Red moved with her and how he felt against her. She pulled at his shirt; he pulled it off and let it fall to the floor. He started to unbutton Lizzie’s shorts. She helped pull them off and next went his. They held each other, kissing passionately, clinging to each other desperately. Red slid Lizzie’s underwear off and then his. Red pulled her down onto the bed and smiled at her. A lock of Lizzie’s hair fell down into his face as he kissed her, ‘Are you sure?’ he mumbled.

Lizzie swallowed hard but nodded. Red rolled on top of her and slowly pushed into her. Lizzie gasped when there was a ripple of pain that ran through her body. Feeling her tension, Red stopped, ‘Am I hurting you?’

‘No…I—It’s fine.’ Lizzie encircled Red’s waist and he started moving slowly. Holding him close, tears started to sting Lizzie’s eyes. She tried to stop them but she couldn’t. Red pulled himself up on his elbows and ran his fingers softly through her hair. Soft shock jumped into his eyes as he looked at her, ‘Oh…sweetheart.’

‘N—no…it’s nothing. I’m f—fine. It’s just, I love you so much.’ Lizzie tried to cover her face with her arms but Red pulled them away. Looking into his eyes only made her cry harder, ‘I’m scared of how much I love you. What if I lose you?’

‘You won’t.’ Red caressed Lizzie’s face and soothed her tears, ‘I love you more than anything in this world, and I will always love you. Always!’ Lizzie clung to Red’s body with everything she felt. She wanted to be in Red’s arms for the rest of her life. Suddenly, Red rolled her over until she was straddling him and Lizzie realized he wanted her to be in control; to control the speed and how far they went. Her breath came in shuddering gasps as she let herself down over Red, slowly. She winced and halted, waiting until the pain gave way to pleasure, and then she lowered herself again, further and further, until Red was buried deep within her. They locked fingers and eyes, but for a moment neither of them moved. Lizzie leaned forward and tenderly kissed Red before she straightened up and started moving, slowly. When Red looked at her, his breath stuck in his throat at the sight she made; Lizzie’s slender thighs quivering a little as she straddled him, as she allowed her body to become used again to the feeling of him filling her, stretching to accommodate his length; the soft patch of brown pubic hair just above the spot where their bodies were tightly joined; the curve of her belly that was still firm and soft at the same time and her small but firm breasts that slowly bounced as she began to rock her hips back and forth. There was a pink flush tingeing her skin from her belly to her perfectly sculpted cheekbones. Lizzie’s blue eyes held a tender expression and she started breathing unevenly through her half-parted lips. Red smiled and then leaned forward, taking one of Lizzie’s engorged nipples into his mouth, sucking gently. When he released it, he cupped both sensitive breasts with his hands gently caressing them.

‘Mmm,’ Lizzie moaned.

Red released Lizzie’s breasts and kept still as she lowered and raised herself with increasing speed. Red realized she was close to the liberating moment she sought. Lizzie stopped moving and threw back her head. Red knew the time had come and he thrust once—twice—three times.

‘Ahhh…ohhh!’ Lizzie moaned, and Red let go, pouring himself into Lizzie again and again. When it was over, she collapsed onto him, but to her surprise Red didn’t withdraw. He was already stiffening again as he gently rolled her over.

Inch by glorious inch, Red’s hardness filled her again and she moved her hips to meet his thrusts. By then, every conflicting thought had gone, and all she could think of was where their bodies joined and how wonderful it felt to have him sliding in and out of her. Red’s eyes were locked on hers and she saw love, affection, desire and tenderness in their depths. When she finally shattered for the second time and her muscles clenched around him, it all felt completely natural again. It was as if she had never been with anyone but this remarkable, handsome, complex man. A few seconds later, Red’s second climax rocked through him and Lizzie revelled in the beautiful moment when he collapsed upon her—fully spent. Their hearts beat together furiously against their ribs until eventually, Red withdrew from her body and pulled her wordlessly into his arms. She curled against him, instinctively, contented, until they drifted off into a dreamless sleep!

*******

Red and Lizzie watched the sun rise over the horizon as they ate breakfast the next morning. The waves lapping at the side of the yacht lulled their senses and they enjoyed the tranquillity. They were sitting on the deck and Lizzie used Red’s chest as a backrest as she leaned back against him. He had an arm wrapped around her and his forearm rested across her chest. He held her close before kissing her deeply. When they came up for air, Red sighed with regret.

‘We need to get back to the main land.’ Red said softly. Lizzie clung to his arm, which was still wrapped protectively around her.

‘I know,’ she replied before slowly releasing her hold on him. They rose together; Lizzie took the dishes to the gallery to clean up while Red pulled anchor and set them on course to the main land.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, happy new year! Hope you've loved this chapter. Please feel free to comment (both positive and negative). It'll only improve my writing. Are you also glad, Liz and Red have found their way back together? And who will be the father of Liz's baby? Do you like the way this story is going. Please feel free to give me some advice ;-)
> 
> To be continued...


	10. More than a feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lizzie found out she was pregnant but who's the father of her baby? Red who finally admitted he loved her or Tom who violently raped her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Jon Bokenkamp & NBC; all rights reserved . This fanfic is a work of fiction. It details my own imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locations is entirely coincidental.

There was an almost eerie emptiness to the Molokai General Hospital on a Sunday; Lizzie noticed as a nurse let them into a first-floor corridor through a side door. Despite the Hawaiian sunshine outside, dimness bathed the hallway, with only faint safety lights to guide the way. When they entered the lobby, no one sat behind the reception desk to check them in, and the pharmacy was closed. Red noticed how Lizzie shivered. ‘Cold?’ Red asked.

‘No—just nervous,’ Lizzie swallowed. Red gave her comforting nod and Lizzie quickly summoned her nerves as the door to the gynaecologist’ office opened.

‘Ah Reddie! Who could have ever guessed one day you would need my professional opinion! Please do come in. I have to apologize but we’re a bit understaffed in the weekends.’

‘Lizzie, meet Doctor Felicity Jones. She’s an old friend of mine,’ Red said while he greeted the female Doctor with a kiss on the cheek and a hearty hug. Lizzie shook the Doctor Jones’ hand while her other hand nervously drifted to her midsection.

‘I’m going to listen to your baby’s heartbeat and perform an ultrasound to make sure everything is as it should be,’ Doctor Jones said with a friendly smile. From a cabinet, she took out a pink hospital gown, ‘Please put this on. In the meantime, I’ll talk to Red…get some information, okay?’

Gently, Red reached out and rubbed his palms across Lizzie’s shoulders, ‘Just go ahead…I will fill her in.’ To Lizzie’s embarrassment, tears suddenly burned her eyes,

‘What if the baby isn’t—’

‘One step at a time, sweetheart,’ Red murmured. Lizzie felt an irrational urge to cling to Red but instead, she stepped into the dressing room to change. A few minutes later, she was lying on the examination table. Positioning a cart to her right side, Doctor Jones lifted the Doppler stethoscope from the wall and shifted the device around. And then, from a small speaker on the left wall, swooshing noises filled the room, galloping like a horse thundering by. Fast, but no more than normal for a foetus at this stage.

‘Wow,’ Red’s wide gaze met Lizzie’s. ‘It’s strong!’ Lizzie could hardly swallow. _Yes, it was. It was the sound of the future; her and Red’s future. Was the baby his? What kind of person would it become? What kind of life would it lead_?

‘That’s your baby.’ Doctor. Jones smiled.

‘That’s my…our—…,’ Lizzie swallowed hard, suddenly afraid to speak.

‘Do you have any questions?’ Doctor Jones asked.

‘Can you do a p—paternity test?’ Lizzie asked, as she suddenly sat up, still feeling a bit emotional. Doctor Jones frowned, her eyebrows scrunching together but then she nodded, ‘Yes, I can perform a paternity test at this stage in your pregnancy but I have to warn you. It’s an invasive procedure. I have to insert a large needle into your womb. You run the risk of miscarrying.’ Doctor Jones paused for a second, ‘Elizabeth, Red told me what happened to you…I’m so sorry,’ she said while she gave Lizzie an apologetic look.

‘Then we won’t perform the test at this stage,’ Red hurried to say. Lizzie glanced at him but Red sounded very convincing. She nodded and lay back on the table and while doctor Jones spread some gel on her belly. In the meantime, Lizzie tried to picture Red getting up in the middle of the night to change a diaper. It brought a smile to her face.

‘Here’s your baby!’ The pressure on her belly and the sound of Doctor Jones’ voice snatched Lizzie from her thoughts.

‘Can you tell the sex?’ Even though, Lizzie knew perfectly well that was unlikely at this early stage, she longed for an answer. Doctor Jones peered closely at the screen, ‘No…I’m sorry dear. It’s too early to tell but wait a minute—…’

‘What?’ Lizzie suddenly felt nervous. She kept her attention on the fluid black-and-white shapes pulsing on the screen but Doctor Jones did not seem to notice her anxiety. ‘Ah, I knew I was right. Here it is. Baby number two!’ Lizzie nearly stopped breathing, ‘T—twins?’ Doctor Jones nodded. She paused the probe, pressed a button and printed out an image, handing it to Red,

‘Everything looks good with the umbilical cords. Two separate placentas. I’ll plan an appointment for a Sunday next month. Is that okay with you two?’ Doctor Jones ceased speaking; because Lizzie did not answer—she did not even hear Doctor Jones; she just sat still, her wide eyes fixed vacantly on Red.

‘That’ll be fine Felicity, thanks so much,’ Red said while he kissed the woman on her cheek.

‘For you…always,’ the female Doctor smiled.

*******

‘Here is it!’ Red pointed to the building right in front of them.

‘Just pull in here,’ he said to the cab driver. The driver nodded and turned into a winding cobblestoned driveway heading toward the beach before dead-ending at a two-story wooden house. The house sat on a grassy hill about fifty feet from the cliff’s edge. The door was located on the other side, facing the ocean. Red grabbed the knob, smiled at Lizzie, and opened the door. She stood, looking out at the ocean. ‘Nice view.’

‘Yes, it is…Want to see how it is from inside? Ladies first,’ Red said gallantly, sweeping his hand in front of him, pointing the way as he held the door open.

‘Wow, you’re going to rent a whole furnished house?’ Lizzie asked as they entered the beautifully decorated home.

‘No, this house is mine. I’ve bought it many years ago. A nice little place where I can retire in peace,’ Red simply stated while they walked into a living room done in light earth tones. A comfortable-looking cornered sofa covered in rich grey chenille was flanked by a rocker and a wooden coffee table; all positioned in front of a large rustic rock fireplace. The other side of the room had a massive window, spanning the entire wall, providing a breath-taking view of the ocean. Lizzie walked over to the window and Red stepped up beside her.

‘The view from here is amazing,’ Red said.

‘I wonder what the bedroom looks like,’ Lizzie smiled. Without hesitation, she grabbed Red’s hand and pulled him along with her. When Red opened the door that led to the bedroom, Lizzie gasped as she took in the spacious loft-style area. The whole upstairs consisted of one large room with another gigantic picture window overlooking the ocean, and a bathroom the size of her entire old apartment – with the most inviting looking bathtub- supporting its own window with another picturesque view of the ocean.

‘This place is magnificent,’ Lizzie softly said to Red.

They stood still holding hands, facing a magnificent view as they watched the ocean crash against the side of the cliff that jetted out to a point. A small cove with a long staircase lead down a long stretch of white sandy beach. As they stood, Lizzie’s fingers tightened around Red’s hand. A warm feeling rose in Red’s chest but to his surprise, Lizzie pulled herself free and raced towards the bathroom. Red immediately understood; she was nauseous. He found her leaning against the wall of the bathroom, her eyes closed and her breathing slow and steady, ‘Can I get you anything?’ Red asked.

Lizzie couldn’t answer him, feeling as if she might not be completely finished. So she just shifted her head slightly as she could and still get her message across to Red. He disappeared and came back minutes later. When he handed her a couple of crackers, she could manage to bring them up to her mouth and nibble on a dry corner.

‘I’m going to pick you up now, okay?’ Lizzie wanted to tell him no, but she really longed to feel Red’s warmth. Red managed to lift her up with barely any jostling. The only thing she had to do was lean her head against his broad shoulder. He carried her back into the bedroom and she thought he might put her into bed but instead he walked over to one of the chairs by the window and just sat down with her in his arms.

A long time later, Lizzie could breathe a bit more deeply without her stomach heaving, ‘I think I’m okay now,’ she said softly to him.

‘You sure?’ Red asked, still not moving or touching her other than to make sure she was alright.

‘No,’ Lizzie smiled but was able to turn her head closer to Red, ‘Thank you,’ she whispered. She felt Red’s body tighten up a moment before he said,

‘I love you sweetheart.’ Lizzie smiled but Red couldn’t see her face since she was still leaning against his chest. ‘I love you too,’ she replied.

‘Do you know anything about Tom’s siblings or parents?’ Red suddenly said while Lizzie felt his hand on her head as his fingers tangled in her hair. Lizzie shifted surprised so she could look up into Red’s eyes,

‘No…nothing. He said he had a brother but he turned out to be fake…remember? But why do you ask?’ Red grinned, ‘Well, my mother was a twin. My grandmother was one of a set and my aunt had twins too, little Robbie and Ronnie. They must be well in their fifties now.’ Red let his words sink in for a moment but Lizzie grabbed his hand and moved it over her stomach. A smile grew over her face while she sighed.

‘God then the babies would be yours. I hope you’re right.’

‘Me too.’ Red smiled, his arms wrapping around Lizzie, pulling her even closer.

*******

In the middle of the night, the same old nightmare about the rape awoke Lizzie with a jolt. She sat straight up in the darkness, heart racing and panting. Luckily, she hadn’t woken Red. Carefully, she kicked her feet over the side of the bed and sat still for a moment; then she pushed herself off the bed. Her bare feet hit the wooden floor and she tiptoed out of the bedroom. She walked out of the house, descending the rocky stairwell and sitting down on the sand. She felt slightly light-headed. There were so many conflicting thoughts and feelings whirling around in her head, she simply couldn’t sleep. She sighed and got up, walking onto the dark, but still warm sand. The familiar aroma of salt water and the sound of the waves lapping against the shore slowly soothed Lizzie’s anxiety. A slight smile waded over her lips as she neared the edge of the water. Tentatively, she stepped closer, allowing the waves to splash over her ankles, breathing a soft sigh. Without so much of a further thought, she pulled her nightgown over her head, slid off her panties and dove into the water. She stayed under water for a few seconds before drifting up to the surface. The temperature of the water was perfect. Cool to be refreshing, yet warm enough not to take her breath away. As Lizzie broke the surface, she stroked her hair out of her eyes and that was when she saw Red. He was standing on the beach, watching her.

Lizzie waved, one arm above the water, urging Red on to come in but he shook his head, ‘I haven’t swam in ages.’ Lizzie swam over to him. ‘I need someone to look after me…’ Red grimaced and sighed but then he yanked off his T-shirt and stepped into the water. Lizzie grabbed his hand and pulled him into the water with her, gliding out further into the ocean, their fingers still linked. At a certain moment, Red lost his hold on Lizzie’s hand but felt her body brush against his as he kicked his legs to stay above water. He stared into Lizzie’s face, noticing the droplets of water clinging to her lashes. He reached out and smoothed a strand of hair from her cheek. Lizzie turned into his touch, her eyelids fluttering but a large wave washing over them, jarred them back to reality. Slowly, they made their way back to the beach, linger where the water teased their waists. Red wrapped his arms around Lizzie and watched the waves come crashing to the beach. She stroked his jaw. Red pulled her close and kissed her so long, she could hardly breathe. When they looked up, the sun started to rise, turning the sea orange and pink. They spent the entire morning on the beach. Red retrieved a picnic basket from the house and they sat on a blanket near the ocean, watching the sunlight sparkle across the surface of the water. ‘This place is perfect,’ Lizzie murmured, drawing her knees up to her chest and fixing her gaze upon him. ‘I can’t remember the last time I felt so at peace’. She paused, then reached out and placed her hand on Red’s arm. ‘I wish we could stay here forever—you, me and…our babies!’ ‘I would love that—…’

Red paused as he stared down the beach. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘We’re not alone.’ Red said while he got up and began walking fast along the beach. Shocked, Lizzie stared after him before understanding kicked in. She cursed when she saw a man run away. Lizzie raced after Red, the sand shifting beneath her feet. Since she was faster than Red, she tackled the guy within minutes. Lizzie and the man hit the sand with a thudding impact. Then Red spun him over, ‘Who are you?’

‘Get off me!’ The man yelled. He tried to swing at Lizzie; a terrible mistake on his part. Red’s fist drove down and hit the man in the face. Once. Twice. Two powerful blows! ‘Again!’ Red snapped. ‘Who are you?’

‘GET OFF M—…AAH…YOU BROKE MY NOSE!’ The man started whining.

‘I’m about to break a whole lot more, if you don’t start talking,’ Red said calmly. Lizzie flinched. She’d never heard Red’s voice sound that way. Lethal. Deadly. ‘Do you know who we are?’ Red asked him, his hand still poised to punch.

‘FUCK YOU!’ Red’s fist plunged down again. ‘Red!’ Lizzie lunged forward, grabbing Red’s hand. ‘Enough!’

‘Aah.’ The man moaned while blood trickled down his face. Lizzie tried to drag Red off the man but he did not move. ‘Talk!’ Red bit out while he let go of the man. The man stumbled to his knees, putting his hand to his nose, obviously trying to stop the blood flow.

’My brother…he was your cabdriver…recognized you from the news!’ Red cursed then he turned to the man,

‘Get the hell of this beach…you’re trespassing!’ The man didn’t hesitate but ran along the sandy beach, jumping into a small motorboat, disappearing behind some rocks.

‘Now what?’ Lizzie asked.

‘I’m sorry sweetheart, but we can’t stay here,’ Red said with an apologetic look.

‘Why didn’t you kill him?’ Lizzie asked softly, placing a hand on Red’s arm. Red turned his head and looked at Lizzie, his voice sounding remarkable gentle,

‘I’m done killing!’ Pulling back to see his eyes, Lizzie smiled and kissed Red’s cheek,

‘I love you so much, you know?’ Red smiled and then grabbed Lizzie’s hand, pulling her along with him,

‘Let’s go get our stuff. We need to get off this island before he returns with the police.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued...
> 
> Thanks for your lovely comments. Appreciate them very much. Hope you still like the story!


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, Red and Lizzie were still on the run. Lizzie pregnant with twins. Now, a few years have passed. What has happened to Red and Lizzie. Was Red able to get Lizzie's name cleared?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Jon Bokenkamp & NBC; all rights reserved . This fanfic is a work of fiction. It details my own imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locations is entirely coincidental.

‘You know what?’ Raymond JR asked, looking across the table, ‘I want mommy and daddy to come home!’ He shovelled another mouthful of soggy fruit loops into his mouth.

Glenn looked at his twin brother. His brow lifted for a moment and then he smiled. ‘Me too!’

With a sigh, Kate Kaplan bit into her toast and looked at the three-year-old twins. ‘Listen sweethearts…mommy, daddy and your new baby sister will be home soon. I miss them too, you know?’

‘I miss them...a whole lot,’ Glenn stated softly.

‘Raymond JR spooned more fruit loops into his mouth, his gaze ping-ponging back and forth between his twin brother and his godmother.

‘Glenn’s right! Mommy and daddy have been gone long enough. I want to meet my baby sister!’

‘OK. When you two are done getting dressed, we’ll give daddy a call. How about that?’

‘Yess!’ Glenn shouted. They finished their breakfast in record time and ran upstairs to change out of their PJ’s. After ten minutes or so, Kate peeked around the corner of the twin’s bedroom and watched the two, dress themselves and each other. They’d picked one of their favourite matching outfits; light blue jeans, sneakers and white long-sleeved T-shirts.

‘Well, don’t you two look handsome,’ Kate smiled when she entered the bedroom. Proud dimples dimpled the two boys little faces.

Kate leaned down, lending a hand with the tucking in of the T-shirts, ‘You guys brush your teeth yet?’ She swatted two bottoms, ‘scoot!’ When they were finished, Kate brushed their blonde hair. ‘Now, run downstairs and I’ll be there as soon as I’m dressed.’ When Kate was ready, she hurried downstairs to join the impatient duo. Glenn had already taken the phone and Raymond JR was standing beside him, hopping from one foot to the other.

Kate took over the phone and speed dialled Red’s number. The phone rang but there was no response.

‘What is it auntie Kate?’

‘I’m sorry boys but daddy isn’t answering his phone.’

Kate Kaplan hoped the boys wouldn’t be too disappointed but Raymond JR’s head sank down and Glenn had turned his head away from her. Kate sighed but then a thought crossed her mind. ‘Who would like to make brownies? We can surprise mommy and daddy when they come home!’

‘Really? We can make them ourselves?’ Glenn asked in disbelief. His Godmother’s double-chocolate, chocolate-chip, marshmallow brownies were delicious! A grin transformed Glenn’s little face since he couldn’t hide his joy. Kate kneeled down in front of Raymond JR and lifted his chin. ‘What do you say Ray Ray…want to make some brownies?’

Raymond JR’s arms wrapped trustingly around Kate’s neck and he softly whispered. ‘Can I lick the spoon when you’re done with the batter?’

Kate pressed a kiss on Raymond’s cheek and lifted him to her chest. ‘Sure you can sweetheart!’ The twins went into the kitchen with Kate and in no time, they were able to make an enormous batch of their dad’s favourite chips brownies. When Kate had put them in the oven, Raymond JR and Glenn crawled in front of the oven but Kate shook her head. ‘The oven is very hot boys and it’s too dangerous. How about if I tell you a story?’

The boy’s frowns became smiles and they walked back to the living room. When the twins were settled on the couch, Kate sat down between them, ‘All right sweethearts…which story?’ Your favourite one, I guess?’

The boys nodded and Kate picked up the book of Peter Pan.

 

_Mrs. Wendy was a grown woman, and as sensible as can be. She had a tidy mind. For six days in any week she strongly disapproved of dreams littering up the house. But on the seventh, she was not quite so sure. Recently she had begun hurrying to bed, eager for that twilight flicker that comes between waking and sleep. From behind closed eyelids she would watch for a dream to come floating towards her, just as once she had watched at her bedroom window, hoping against hope for a small figure to come swooping through the local stars. Each bedtime her heart beat faster at the thought of glimpsing the Lagoon again, or hearing the cry of the Neverbird. Above all, she longed to see Peter again: the friend she had left behind in Neverland all those years before._

*** * ***

Lizzie’s breasts were gorged with milk. It was about time the baby. As if someone had read her mind, the door opened and a nurse stepped in. She was carrying the baby in her arms and behind her came Red, carrying a weekend bag and a baby carriage. ‘You must be so glad, going home today,’ the nurse smiled while she carefully placed the baby into Lizzie’s arms.

‘I can’t wait!’

The nurse smiled, gave a quick nod to Red and left the room. Red sat down on the edge of the bed and watched how his new-born daughter began squirming, her little rosebud mouth pursing as if automatically searching Lizzie’s nipple. A pair of bluish eyes opened and the baby focused her gaze upon Lizzie’s face. She stared at her mom as if nothing else existed in the universe. Lizzie smiled as the baby finally latched onto her nipple. The baby closed her eyes for a moment in delight when she eagerly started sucking. Lizzie and Red both grinned. Their daughter did great and they would be released from the hospital today. The baby girl had gained a few ounces and was out of the incubator since a few days. Red leaned forward and kissed Lizzie’s cheek. He knew she was excited about going home but he was just as excited. He’d missed her so much and although he’d seen her every day, it would be so special to be in their own house with the baby and the boys.

‘What are you thinking?’ Lizzie smiled.

Red smiled and kissed Lizzie’s cheek again, ‘I’m glad I don’t have to spend my nights alone anymore.’

Lizzie reached out and touched Red’s cheek, ‘I’ve missed you too…so much!’

Red grabbed Lizzie’s hand and brought it to his mouth. He kissed her eyes and looked down on his daughter.

‘She looks so much like you,’ he said tenderly. Lizzie looked down, a tender smile curving her lips, ‘You think? She has your eyes, you know.’

‘She’s beautiful,’ Red smiled. ‘Just like her mom!’

When their daughter was finished drinking, Lizzie carefully unhooked her little mouth from her nipple, lifting the baby to her chest. She gently stroked her back until she burped.

‘That’s it sweetie.’

She cradled the little baby girl in her arms and spoke to her with a soft voice.

‘We’re going home today. You’re going to meet your brothers. They will be so excited!’

The baby had difficulties keeping her eyes open. Lizzie smiled. ‘You just close your eyes and sleep.’ Lizzie kissed the baby’s nose and watched how the baby drifted off to sleep. Shen then handed her to Red before stepping out of bed to shower and get dressed.

*** * ***

The boys were so caught up in the story; it was a long moment before any of them realized there was someone knocking on the front door. With a little jolt of anger from being disturbed from the story, Raymond JR glanced at the front door, hoping whoever was knocking would vanish into thin air but the pounding on the door became even louder.

Kate put down the book and watched Glenn padding across the room on his bare feet, opening the door.

‘Finally…I thought you didn’t want me or mommy back?’

A bolt of excitement rushed through Glenn and he yelled for joy. ‘Daddy…you’re home! Raymond JR made a soft, mewling sound and flew into Red’s open arms. Red braced himself from falling as he met his excited sons. He kissed their cheeks and wrapped his arms around them, ‘God…I’ve missed you guys!’

Raymond JR was the first one that lifted his head, glancing over Red’s shoulder. ‘Where’s mo—…?’ Raymond JR stopped abruptly, his eyes rounding with excitement as he focused on the person on the doorstep.

‘MOMMY!’

Raymond JR slipped out of Red’s arms and ran towards his mother. Lizzie bend her knees and Raymond JR threw himself into her arms, ‘I’ve missed you so much mommy!’

Lizzie smiled, ’I’ve missed you too, sweetpea!’

Red rose from the floor, sat Glenn down and kissed Kate’s cheek. ‘Thanks for looking after them.’

Kate nodded impatiently, ‘Well…where is the little one?’

‘She’s fast asleep in the car,’ Lizzie said quietly. ‘We wanted to see the boys first before they meet their new sister.’

Kate nodded understandingly and went outside with Red. When he grabbed their bags, Kate unstrapped the new born baby from her car seat and brought her inside, placing her into Lizzie’s arms. She was immediately surrounded by Raymond JR and Glenn, ‘Oh…she’s cute,’ said Raymond JR while he carefully stroked the baby’s cheek.

‘She’s all wrinkled, ‘Glenn stated solemnly. Red, Lizzie and Kate burst into laughter. That was exactly the reaction they’d expected from Glenn. The twin boys sniffed up the lovely baby smell from their new born sister and looked how her little fingers curled around theirs.

*** * ***

Red looked down into the crib. The little girl truly was a culmination of him and Lizzie. This was what happened if two people loved each other so much.

 

He glanced up and watched how Lizzie swept a tear from her cheek. He leaned in and kissed her forehead.

‘It’s just hormonal fluctuations.’ Lizzie whispered but Red smiled. He knew it was more than that. He could sense Lizzie felt the same way he did. Red brushed his thumb along his daughter’s cheek and when he met Lizzie’s eyes, he smiled. ‘We still have to name her!’

Red and Lizzie looked at each other, gazing deeply into each other’s eyes before they looked down on their daughter, silent and wide-eyed in her crib; a serene smile on her little face and a spark in her eyes.

Red wrapped his arms around Lizzie and in one breath; he said the name which would be hers…’Agnes!’

Lizzie looked up at Red and smiled.

‘Sam’s mother’s name?’

Red nodded. ‘You okay with that?’

‘It’s a beautiful name…I love it!’ Lizzie smiled into Red’s shoulder, feeling his arms tighten around her. Tenderly, Red turned her face up to his, searching her eyes.

‘Are you happy sweetheart?’

Lizzie nodded, ‘Live can’t get any better than this…We have three beautiful children and finally, my name got cleared. Honestly, for a long time I thought I was going to land up back in a cell.’

‘Lizzie…by now you should know that I would never let anything bad happen to you,’ Red whispered against Lizzie’s ear, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair, feeling her softness against him. Lizzie looked up at him, her blue eyes tender and trusting.

‘I know!’ she said and that is why I love you so much!’

‘I love you too sweetheart!’

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end...


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